Honour everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honour the emperor.                                                                                    1 Peter 2:17 

I read the email.  Then I read it again.  I read it one more time, edited the wording as I went.  In my mind I ran through a number of scenarios…what would happen after I click send?  Somehow, in my spirit I sensed that for me, a line had been drawn in the sand.

Then I heard the Spirit of the Lord whisper to me.  “When are you going to stop fearing man?”

Let me pause here and share some things about myself.  I live a (somewhat) brave life. If you asked people who only know me superficially, they would probably tell you that I am exceptionally brave…or exceptionally stupid.  I get on planes and fly to unknown places, I lives in strangers’ homes, I eat whatever is put in front of me without asking too many questions

Some people would call me brave for speaking the truth, applauding the fact that I will call sin by its name and expose the works of the enemy.  Others might call me loveless, possibly arrogant, even religious, as we do with those brave souls who march to a different tune, but they will not call me “coward”.  I have been told that I am intimidating, because I so fearlessly confess my weakness, because I strive to live an altogether transparent life.  I am brave enough to expose myself, hoping that someone’s life would be better for knowing of my own struggles and pain, that my openness would give them courage to expose their own broken places so that Jesus can minister to them.

And yet, Holy Spirit goes right to the heart of the matter, as He always does.  I was, in some ways, still in fear of man.  Not only that, but I was in denial also.  I had convinced myself that my fear of man, my reluctance to make waves, to boldly stand for righteousness in certain situations is because I honour people.  I have given myself permission to let some things slide because I have convinced myself that “love covers”.  Don’t get me wrong, Love does cover a person’s dignity, yet Love exposes corruption in order to bring healing.  In order to cleanse the temple, the Author of Love overturned tables and whipped the moneychangers.  Jesus was more concerned with fearing God, than preserving His own reputation.  Oh, that I might be like Him!

As I meditated upon these things the Lord reminded me of a scripture.

2 Corinthians 2: 14 – 16 reads like this:

 In the Messiah, in Christ, God leads us from place to place in one perpetual victory parade. Through us, He brings knowledge of Christ. Everywhere we go, people breathe in the exquisite fragrance. Because of Christ, we give off a sweet scent rising to God, which is recognized by those on the way of salvation—an aroma redolent with life. But those on the way to destruction treat us more like the stench from a rotting corpse. (Message)

This right here, is the reality of our predicament.  Not everybody will applaud us, not everybody will understand us.  To those of the same spirit, we will be fragrant and beautiful, to those with a different spirit, we will stink to high heaven.  I know that this is the line that was drawn in the sand for me – am I ready to cross that line, give up on the notion that everyone will understand, love and appreciate me and live my life for an audience of One?  Am I ready to really believe that the Lord will lead me in “a victory parade” everywhere I go?

We are, as the body of Christ, called to honour people, if for no other reason, because they were created in the image of God.  We are to love our neighbours, be the servant of all, be the least if we want to be great and we are to respect the laws of the land – but our fear – that is reserved for God, and God alone.

2 Timothy 1:7 drives this truth home.  “For God will never give you the spirit of cowardly fear, but the Holy Spirit who gives you mighty power, love and sound judgment.” TPT

So here we are, confronted with the fact that at times (if you are anything like me), we moderate what we say, how we act and when we make a stand for righteousness because we want to avoid the reaction we expect to receive.  What a predicament!  We have been called to be salt and light and I have to confess, sometimes I don’t like the consequence that comes from being salt.   What are we to do?

I will allow someone way smarter than me to answer that question. I’ll take you back to 2 Corinthians 2 and let the Apostle Paul have his say:

^16-17 This is a terrific responsibility. Is anyone competent to take it on? No—but at least we don’t take God’s Word, water it down, and then take it to the streets to sell it cheap. We stand in Christ’s presence when we speak; God looks us in the face. We get what we say straight from God and say it as honestly as we can.

I am tempted to add “so help us, God”, because I know I need some help with this.  As for that email, I did click send, unafraid.

There are some scriptures that roll off our tongues so smoothly, so confidently but when the rubber meets the road, they are jarring, difficult and like the scroll that Ezekiel ate, sweet in the mouth but sour in the stomach.

One such scripture is Romans 5: 3 – 5 which confidently declares “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴ perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵ And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”

I have just returned from a mission trip where disappointment and discouragement was the flavour of the day, where the enemy has done a work of destruction during our absence and many of the young people who appeared to be on fire and sold out for Jesus disappeared altogether.  We found, instead of the vibrant church we left behind, a compromised church where Kingdom culture was not prevailing.  It seemed that everything we taught fell on deaf ears and we even came to a point where each of us (missionaries) questioned whether we were actually called to the mission field, whether we were even having any influence or making any impact.

Personally, I was wondering what I was doing there in the first place.  Was I really called?  Did I have to be there? Am I even in God’s will for my life, and if I was, why was it so HARD?  I am convinced that these questions are never far from any Christian’s mind.  It has been insinuated to me that if it is (hard), then surely I cannot be in the Lord’s will and that just maybe I was not supposed to be serving this way.  In fact, if God really sent me, then He would protect me, wouldn’t He?  I would not have to cope with insect bites, tummy bugs, exhausting heat and humidity, disappointments…it would be easy – the Lord’s yoke is easy and His burden is light, after all.  Like my friend put it so eloquently when we talked about this around the breakfast table – “that would really mess with your head”.  No kidding!

Yet, reading the Word, it’s hard to find examples of people who said “Yes” to the Lord and never suffered and never felt the sting of disappointment – often in themselves and their own humanity.  Disappointment and suffering is the fibre that weaves together a tapestry of perseverance and what keeps us going, is Hope that whispers in our ear “try one more time”.  So we get up and we dust ourselves off and we give it another shot.  Our Christian walk would not be so hard if we didn’t expect it to be so easy.  What causes me great joy in the midst of all this, is when I can look back at that which could have killed my spirit, my hope and my call and I see how I have come through by the grace of God and realise that He who is in me is indeed greater than He who is in the world.  That is when my faith comes alive…on the other side of the valley of the shadow of death.

I read Luke 5 this morning and I found another example of an event that must have caused great disappointment.  Simon (Peter) and his friends were fishing all night long, with nothing to show for their trouble.  Hope comes and says “try again”.  In verse 5, ‘Simon (Peter) answered, Master, we toiled all night (exhaustingly) and caught nothing (in our nets).  But on the ground of Your word, I will lower the nets (again). AMP

I know this feeling well, as I am sure you do too.  We have worked so hard, we have served; forgiven; hoped for a promise to be kept; prayed for a lost one; held our breath, waiting for a relationship to be restored; cried over a loss; been spitefully used; mourned the loss of a friendship and more…and none of this made us feel particularly blessed and if you are anything like me, I don’t often see (from my own point of view and out of my nasty habit of navel-gazing) evidence of a godly character being formed, yet the Word assures me that it is.

But on the ground of His word, we keep going, for hope is alive in us:

⁶ And when they had done this, they caught a great number of fish; and as their nets were [at the point of] breaking, ⁷ They signalled to their partners in the other boat to come and take hold with them. And they came and filled both the boats, so that they began to sink.  Luke 5: 6, 7 AMP

We keep going because the harvest is ready and the Lord of the harvest is calling the workers to get over their own disappointments, offenses and issues and get about the Father’s business, remembering always that in our weakness He is strong.  So, am I going back?  You bet

Like every other person I know, there are bits of myself that I don’t like too much.  I can do with a few less calories every day, a smaller dress size, all the regular “girls stuff” that we ladies torture ourselves with.  But…truth be told, my love handles are not the biggest issue for me.  What has plagued me more than anything else, what had caused me more sleepless nights than calorie counting, is that I am feisty.  There, I have admitted it publicly.  I just love a good fight.  Not that it would come as a surprise to anyone who has spent more than a couple of days with me.

I have prayed, even begged the Lord to make me meek – by myself I’ve not had much success.  If it’s true that the meek shall inherit the earth, I’m getting squat.  I have tried really, really hard to contain myself, to bite my tongue, to be girly, gentle and mild-mannered.  It has been of no use, I still cannot back down from a fight.

Every time I hear a message about God’s plan for our lives, how He made us to be exactly as we are, I wonder if just maybe, He went on vacation when my personality was dished out and let archangel Michael do the honors.  How can I, being such a fighter, be at all useful to the Lord?  I’ve probably done more damage to Jesus’ reputation by being so hotheaded, than I have helped to extend the kingdom.

But that was before Zechariah 10:3b “ For the LORD of Heaven’s Armies has arrived to look after Judah, his flock. He will make them strong and glorious, like a proud warhorse in battle”. This is now officially my new favorite verse.

In the book of Job, the Lord speaks to Job and asks him many questions.  He asks Job ^“Are you the one who gave the horse his prowess and adorned him with a shimmering mane? Did you create him to prance proudly and strike terror with his royal snorts? He paws the ground fiercely, eager and spirited, then charges into the fray. He laughs at danger, fearless, doesn’t shy away from the sword. The banging and clanging of quiver and lance don’t faze him. He quivers with excitement, and at the trumpet blast races off at a gallop. At the sound of the trumpet he neighs mightily, smelling the excitement of battle from a long way off, catching the rolling thunder of the war cries. Job 39:19-25 MSG  All this talk of battle really excites me.  Weird for a girl, I know, but great for the season we are in.  God knew exactly what He was doing after all.

I’ve done some reading up about the warhorse and what I found had been a revelation.  You see, warhorses were identified from young, trained by master trainers, highly valued and invaluable in battle.  Warhorses were classified in different weights, used for different purposes.  Lighter horses were prized for their agility, speed and endurance, ridden over long distances, taking the generals right to the battle front.  The heavier horses were saved for the full-on assault of the enemy.  They were able to carry the weight of their own armour, the rider with his full armour, as well as an array of weapons.  The strongest, heaviest horses we used to pull supplies to the battlefield, working in pairs, united in their duty, as much part of the cavalry as the battle horses.  Warhorses, no matter what their role, had a few things in common.  They were trained to run toward the battle, not away from the fighting, to overcome their natural instinct to flee from noise, the confusion of combat and the smell of blood.

Warhorses learned to react to every sudden, even slight movement of the rider, to avoid weapons and to become one itself, as it kicked, bit and struck at the enemy in close combat.  The horse was trained to be obedient and maneuverable, controlled with limited use of the reigns, responding to the rider’s legs and weight on its back.  The warhorse was spirited, but fully submitted to its rider, trusting the guidance of the rider, fully confident in its own strength in battle.

As darkness closes in around us, as the battle is heating up, now is the time for the warhorses to be revealed.  The battle cry is rising all over the earth and it is time for the warhorses to charge, fearless, well-trained, equipped with full armour and ridden by the General Himself.  I am sure I am not the only one ready for a fight – we have to be.  There are lost, broken and hurting people out there, counting on us to battle for them, over them, until our Rider is revealed, victorious and glorious.  Like me, you have been trained, carefully and diligently, by the Holy Spirit, you have been equipped and now it’s time to engage, to do what we were born and called to do – engage, push forward, gain ground, invade the enemy’s territory and win the battles as they present themselves.

Let me finish with Revelation 19:11 – 16  ^“I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True. With justice He judges and wages war.  His eyes are like blazing fire, and on His head are many crowns. He has a name written on him that no one knows but He himself.  He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and his name is the Word of God.  The armies of heaven were following him, riding on white horses and dressed in fine linen, white and clean. Coming out of his mouth is a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations. “He will rule them with an iron scepter.” He treads the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God Almighty.  On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written: king of kings and lord of lords.

Yesterday, at 5.30 am, my husband spoke the dreaded words…”are you getting up?” Sounds innocent enough, doesn’t it? Don’t be fooled! What he meant was “are you going to open both eyes, drag yourself out of bed, get dressed and stumble into the gym or you are going to lie there and listen to me exercise while Guilt eats away at the flab around your waist that you should be burning off on the treadmill?” He is a concise man, I will give him that and I was tempted to see how much fat Guilt could consume, but I go up.
Huffing and puffing on the treadmill, I glanced over to him, sitting on the stationary bike…he didn’t seem all that fresh either and I struggled not to gloat. “Struggling?” I asked. “A little”, came the answer. It was right then that something so profound came out of my mouth that I thought “I’d better write this down, ‘cause it’s GOOD!” I said to him “the only reason I’m still running is because I haven’t given myself permission to stop”.

I’ve been thinking about that statement ever since…contemplating how often we give ourselves permission to do something we shouldn’t do, or permission to omit doing that which we should. How many marriages and families would still be intact if partners did not give themselves permission to do whatever it was they did, how many more children would be alive if society didn’t give itself permission to kill their babies, how much poorer pharmaceutical companies would be if we didn’t give ourselves permission to drug ourselves into oblivion to medicate pain that Jesus is more than able to heal?
I wonder how many wounds would have been spared the people around us if we stopped to ask ourselves why we have given ourselves permission to be unkind, cruel, derogatory and unloving. Who gave us permission to back-stab and gossip, to be selfish, uncaring or wallowing in self-pity? Surely not our Father, or our Savior or Holy Spirit living inside us.
I am reminded of David, who having returned from a raid, found himself raided, Ziglag burned down and plundered and all the women and children abducted. His men, greatly distressed, wanted to stone him and he could have easily given himself permission to quit, to wail, to given in to self-pity, but he didn’t. David “encouraged and strengthened himself in the Lord, his God” (1 Sam. 30:8)

I like David, probably because I relate to the way he often talked to himself. I too, I have a constant dialogue running through my mind. As much as I love people, I am very happy to talk to myself and I learn from David how to do it well, instead of the toxic way I used to speak to myself before. In Psalm 45:5 we are privy to a conversation his spirit man is having with his soul. He says to himself “Why are you cast down, o my inner self? And why should you moan over me and be disquieted within me? Hope in God and wait expectantly for Him, for I shall yet praise Him, my Help and my God.” (AMP)
What a wonderful example for us to follow! There are times where our inner man just runs away with us and that is when we need for our spirit man to rise up and say to our soul…”Do not pass go! You do not have permission to go there, you do not have permission to give up, you do not have permission to behave like that!” If our spirit man does not rise up and take dominion, our soul and our flesh will take dominion and that is never pretty.

Is this even possible, I ask myself? Do you have to be David, God’s anointed king, to be able to master this discipline? No, I don’t believe so. “What do you know?” I hear you ask. Not a lot, in the greater scheme of things, but this much I do know: I can do all things through Jesus Christ who strengthens me! (Phil.4.13)

Will you pray with me?
Lord Jesus, my spirit man was made new the moment I accepted You as my Lord and Savior. Your Spirit lives in me, but I confess that there are times when my soul and my flesh fails me, when I give myself permission to take my eyes off You and focus them on the situation around me, when I give in to temptation, frustration and fear and I allow my mouth to run away with me. Will You please strengthen my spirit man today, so that I am able to live like David lived – conscious of my inner man and its influence over me. This morning I declare that You have not given me a spirit to fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. Amen!

Sunday morning, during worship, I heard Holy Spirit speak to my heart, reminding me that the battle belongs to the Lord…that so many Christians are worn out and discouraged from fighting battles in their own strength, fighting battles they are not meant to fight.  I am worn out and frustrated from fighting battles that I am not supposed to fight.  Why are we doing this?  Because we have yet to submit certain things to the Lord.  Our stubborn, prideful hearts lead us to believe we can do things on our own. We give it our best shot and often when we realise how big the opposition is that we face, be turn about-face and run.

We often forget just Who our God is. In Exodus, chapter 15, verse 3 we are introduced to God by Moses, singing His praises.  He says “The Lord is a warrior; the Lord is His name.” (NIV)  The ESV reads “The Lord is a man of war; the Lord is His name!”.  God has not changed.  He did not suddenly become impotent and meek – He still is a man of war, our Warrior King.

I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose Rider is called Faithful and True. With justice He judges and wages war. Revelation 19:11

If then our God is a Warrior, it is only fair to assume that He would have left His people instructions on how to fight a battle.  In Deuteronomy 20 we find such a set of instructions…

When you go to war against your enemies and see horses and chariots and an army greater than yours, do not be afraid of them, because the Lord your God, who brought you up out of Egypt, will be with you. ² When you are about to go into battle, the priest shall come forward and address the army. ³ He shall say: “Hear, Israel: Today you are going into battle against your enemies. Do not be fainthearted or afraid; do not panic or be terrified by them. (Deut. 20: 1 – 3)

We have to discipline ourselves and fight our fear.  We also, still have not just a priest, but a High Priest, who speaks to us by His spirit, reminding us not to be afraid.  We need to heed His voice when He says “do not be afraid, I will never leave you, not forsake you.”  We have to submit ourselves to the Word of God, not to our emotions and put our trust in His character, not in the size of the opposition we face.

How do we find the courage to get out of bed every morning, when we know there’s opposition from the spirit of this world every time we step out our front door?  We remind ourselves often “ For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory.”  (Deut. 20: 4)

Many words have been spoken over us for 2015 – open doors and windows, increase and expansion waiting for us.  Yet, we will face a great battle on the inside when what we see in the natural does not line up with what has been spoken over us, when the way we expect the Lord to move on our behalf does not line up with the way He actually goes about it.  I have come to the conclusion that promotion in the spirit often seems like demotion in the natural.  Before you see the increase, there’s a stretching, a period of “cleaning house” to make room for the more and the greater of God.

The cleaning process might mean having to deal with issues of the heart we’d rather not deal to, it might mean letting go of some friendships or relationships that are not pleasing the Lord or even making a stand for righteousness where we have never made a stand before.  Whatever our individual battles look like, it will seem overwhelming at times, that much is guaranteed.

Therefore, if we are going to make on new year’s resolution, let it be this declaration: I will not be fainthearted or afraid; I will not panic or be terrified by them(it), for the Lord my God is the One who goes with me to fight for me against my enemies to give me victory.” 

Last night my husband and I went to donate blood for the last time this year.  I was reminded that during this season we assosiate with bells and whistles, brimming fridges, full houses, parties and excess there will be people who suffer.  Christmas is not only the season of gifts and glitter, but for many also the season where loneliness, hopelessness and despair is more pronounced.  Suicide rates go up, so does domestic violence, abuse and trauma.

Yesterday, with the rest of Australia and probably most of the world, I watched a family and a community bury a much loved son.  I found the sight of a father carrying his son’s coffin on his shoulder profoundly disturbing.  It seemed so WRONG.  And while the world mourned one son, many unknown families all over the world are bury their sons and daughters, mothers and fathers.  Many will face Christmas alone, without loved ones for the first time.  So many wives and children are already bracing themselves for the days ahead, when dads are home, with time on their hands and bottles to empty.   Many will give up hope…

So many people do not know that “For us a Child is born, to us a Son is given, and the government will be on His shoulders. And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” (Isaiah 9:6) They look to Santa and his bag for some happiness and to a bottle for some peace, but soon those brand new toys will loose it shine.

Now before I begin to sound too morbid, I do have a Christmas “wishlist”, which I will submit in prayer to the One who can actually make all my dreams come true.

This Christmas I hope for the gift of contentment…that no matter where I find myself, I would enjoy the here and now.  I want the gift of peace, which only comes with more of Jesus in my life.  I want a double dose of the gift of faith – next year is going to be BIG and I will need all the help I can get. I hope there will be a new set of glasses, so I can see as my Lord sees…past the flaws and the shortcomings, to the broken heart inside.

I would love a greater measure of the Spirit, so that I can carry more of His light, power and glory into the darkness around me.  I ask for the gift of time…I know my days have been numbered before I was born and there are so many people who yet need to see Jesus in me.

As I wrap this up for 2014, I would like to wish you a very blessed and happy Christmas, filled with the wonder of Him.  May you too find the same gifts that I want, overflowing for you.  May you receive His heart, His eyes, His ears and the determination to be His hands and feet during this season.  May you see the lonely, the lost, the broken and may you be their best Christmas present this year.

I am a bit late with September’s thoughts…I was off the grid, having a fantastic time in the Pacific.  Vanuatu was like going home.  Seeing familiar faces, meeting new friends, opening my own coconut to drink…what more could a girl ask for.

I was privileged to be the keynote speaker and lecturer at the 2nd National conference of Elim Somang church and again I was overwhelmed with kindness, honour and love.  How do I even begin to tell of all the great things The Lord has done.  Healing miracles were the order of the day, but more significant is the breakthrough people experienced.  After teaching on women’s role in the church and the misconceptions of women in ministry, for the first time ever brothers and sisters prayed for each other, blessing and honouring one another as equals in the body of Christ.  Contrary to custom this was a significant shift in the church.  Not bad for a day’s work!

Three times, during the evening altar call The Lord confirmed His work by the weather.  The first time, as I was praying, asking Holy Spirit to “blow through this place”, a gust of wind swept through the assembly.  A hush fell…we were paying attention.  The second time, a local pastor was praying.  It was overcast, not a glimmer of sunshine in sight, but as he prayed for The Lord to shine His light into our hearts, the clouds parted and everyone was bathed in bright sunlight.  As soon as the altar call finished, the cloud cover returned, not to shift again all day.  That same evening, on the final altar call before declaring the conference closed, I was praying over the delegates, asking Holy Spirit for a fresh and new anointing.  A gentle mist started to fall – we could feel it but nobody got wet!  Again, as soon as the altar call was over the mist stopped falling.  God was indeed in that place and as delegated recognised that, they decided to stay on.  Three days later they will still on Ifira, worshipping, dancing, praying and praising God.  How do you even describe in words the joy you feel, as God’s servant, when you hear that people stayed up all night, praying, praising and worshipping The Lord?

Too soon it was time to depart for my first visit to Fiji.  I feel very much like one of the 12 spies, sent to look over the promised land.  My report…there are giants there!  Those Fijian brothers are big guys, for sure.  Again, I was so blessed and privileged to be the house guest of a local family.  How awesome to experience life as no tourist will ever see a country.  It was a humbling and novel experience having to draw water from the well before you could wash anything – including yourself.

People are poor there, but so much richer than we are in the west.  My hosts slept on mats in the kitchen so that I could have a bed, everything is shared.  It reminded me of the Christians described in the book of Acts…”they had all things in common, nobody lacked”.  Food, cars, equipment, joy and sorrow – all is used for the common good.  As we were waiting for a bus at the side of the village road, I saw a small group of people walking  down the road.  One man was wearing a single flip-flop and as I was still trying to comprehend what I was seeing, another walked past, wearing the other flip-flop.  I guess the road got a bit long and they share and share alike.  That spoke so much to me of the heart of Fiji and it’s people.

Again, healing miracles happened, people were delivered of demons and The Lord lifted many heavy burdens off His children.  Families were restored as truth was revealed during lecture times.  On the last night the Holy Spirit broke out and together we sang, danced, wept and feasted.  Again, as people realised their God was truly present in their place, no-one was in any hurry to go to bed.  After dropping his family and guests home and settling in for the night, my host received another phone call.  As the only church member owning a car, he was called upon to drive a mother in labour to hospital, so he made another trip into Nausori.  Good thing his wife tagged along…little Speedy was born on the back seat just as they reached the hospital.  All in a days work in Fiji!

So here I am, sitting at my dining table, reflecting on a trip that is so hard to put into words.  People ask me “So, how was it?”  and I say “Great, thanks for asking.  God is good”. They seem too relieved that I don’t say “you should have been there” or something similarly “judgmental”, as “we’re not all called to be a missionary, you know!”  Like I said, the people I have been with are poor, but so much richer than you will ever know.

Revelation 3:17  NIV

You say , ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’  But you do not realise that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked.

Selah.

On Saturday morning I was standing on a ladder, wearing protective eye ware, ear plugs and a dust mask. My husband was standing on the ground, watching me sand rust off the roof of a shipping container. He was making sure I was safe, as he had just given me my first lesson in operating a grinder. I have to admit, I was nervous. I had always, not so secretly, had a fear of grinders, despite the fact that I have a “thing” for power tools. I came in to our marriage with my own toolbox, full of power tools, that I am quite adept at handling and I am so blessed to have married a man secure enough to let me do my thing.
He watched for a few minutes and must have been satisfied that I wasn’t in any danger of doing harm to myself or the container, as he walked off to his own grinder and perch on his own ladder. It was in this solitary place that I started to think, as I often do.
I started to recall every time my husband has done this amazing thing for me – let me have a go. Often I would ask the same question as I did before my lesson this morning…”do you think I will be able to do this?”. The answer is more often than not the same as it was earlier… “Of course you can”. My husband, with his unfailing belief that I am more capable than I believe I am, has, through the years, encouraged me to be more than I ever believed I could be.
When I ask my husband “can I do this”, I am not asking his permission to try my hand at something. What I want to know is “do you believe that I can overcome my fear, my insecurity, the lies I believe about myself and succeed at this thing that seems too big for me right now. Do you believe I will grow into these shoes that are just too big for me at the moment?”. If he ever said no, I would have believed him and I have to admit he had to repeat himself often to undo the damage done through years of listening to the voice of the enemy, telling me that what I felt stirring in me was just too much, too big, too soon…too, too, too.
I have to thank my husband for every time he picked me up off the floor, sometimes literally. I owe him for the times I just wanted to give up, when I suffered yet another blow to my self esteem and confidence, and he took me by my shoulders and made me look him in the eyes, making me promise not to give up on myself, on the call, on the Lord, reminding me that mistakes and failures weren’t fatal.
This man has encouraged me to explore the length and breadth and depth of the Lord’s love for me, even when he realized I was going in a direction different from the one he signed up for when we married. He has allowed and even encouraged me to follow Jesus, even to the places he could not go with me. This has come at great cost to himself – having to fend for himself for weeks on end, while I travel and minister. He has invested his money, his time, his expertise and his heart in my vision, without one promise from the Lord that he would be released from his labour to join me in mine.
Isn’t this the picture Paul paints for us when he says to the Ephesians: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (Eph5:25 – 33)
My husband is a wonderful provider, always has been, and I have been thoroughly spoiled with beautiful gifts during the years we have been married. But the greatest gift is that he understood, even before he really knew what he was doing, that my spirit and my soul also needed to be fed. He has never taken this directive lightly and this is my prayer for my sons, one a brand new husband, the other a soon-to-be bridegroom; and for every brother in Christ…that you would understand that you have the power and influence to make your bride radiant, like Christ is in the process of making His bride radiant.
Brothers, I urge you to be brave – allow Holy Spirit to deal with your hearts. Allow Him to heal your wounds and deal with your own insecurities so that you become a valiant champion for your wives and daughters, your sisters and your mothers. Through your actions and your words, tell them that they are stronger than they think. Believe for them, until they are able to believe this for themselves. By all means be a gentleman to your wives and a helping hand to your daughters, but never to the extent that she believes she needs a strong man to take care of her. Too many women go from relationship to relationship, trying to find a man to replace her daddy. The world is a cruel place and you will not always be around, therefore point her to her heavenly Father, allow Jesus to be her lover, encourage her to explore the call on her life. Learn from my husband, and many men just like him…doing this does not make you smaller, it enlarges you, it makes you a giant amongst men.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can harm me not! If ever there was a lie from the pit of hell, this is it! The Word of God is very clear about the creative power of our words. God spoke the world into being and we can likewise build up or tear down with our words. Often, in the very noble pursuit of being transparent, we go just a little bit too far and share just a little bit too much. I am not even referring to the blatant lies, gossip and slander people spout. Even with the best intentions we can “over share” and cause wounds that take some time to scab over.

If you are finding yourself in a season where you are nursing some wounds cause be false accusations, gossip, slander or even just the unkind words of someone who totally does not get you, I would like to encourage you from the Word. If you are suffering these things because you are so sold out for Jesus, that your normal Christian walk seems so abnormal to other Christians, that you are so passionate and on fire, that your very presence make other people seems cold and distant, here goes… I have to issue a warning though, the news gets worse before it gets better (wink, wink).

Matthew 5 is home to Jesus’ most famous sermon – the Sermon on the Mount, or the Beatitudes, as it is also known. Some of these are more “famous” than others…probably because they are easier on the ear. For example, verse 4 “Blessed and enviably happy [with a happiness produced by the experience of God’s favor and especially conditioned by the revelation of His matchless grace] are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted!” (AMP)

But then we get to more troublesome verses, for example verses 10 – 12.

10 Blessed and happy and enviably fortunate and spiritually prosperous (in the state in which the born-again child of God enjoys and finds satisfaction in God’s favor and salvation, regardless of his outward conditions) are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake (for being and doing right), for theirs is the kingdom of heaven!

11 Blessed (happy, to be envied, and spiritually prosperous— with life-joy and satisfaction in God’s favor and salvation, regardless of your outward conditions) are you when people revile you and persecute you and say all kinds of evil things against you falsely on My account.

12 Be glad and supremely joyful, for your reward in heaven is great (strong and intense), for in this same way people persecuted the prophets who were before you. (AMP)

I know I want to be blessed and happy, enviably fortunate and spiritually prosperous. I really, really want God’s favor and salvation, all day, every day. I want more than anything to see His “kingdom come, on earth as it is in heaven”. There is a catch though – I realize I have to be able to suffer the injustice of persecution for His sake. Are we not exceedingly blessed in the west that persecution only comes in the form of careless words, maybe being overlooked for an invitation to the latest birthday party or that promotion, or at worst, having swear words fired at our heads. Let us hold fast to Jesus, knowing His words are spirit and truth. Let us pray for those who spitefully use us, those who gossip and slander and most of all, let us remember our brothers and sisters who pay a much higher price for the kingdom of heaven.

I want to encourage you to NOT shrink back, to keep going, to fuel the fiery passion in your heart, to keep pressing on, regardless. Jesus is encouraging us today with these words: “Let your light so shine before men that they may see your moral excellence and your praiseworthy, noble, and good deeds and recognize and honor and praise and glorify your Father Who is in heaven.”(Matt 5:16 AMP)

Friday morning I woke up early.  I got out of bed, grabbed a coffee and settled myself in my favorite chair in the chapel (my husband’s name for our study) and stuck the earphones of my iPod in my ears.  As I sipped my coffee, I studied a recent photo of my sons and I, sitting on a shelve on the wall.  It was taken at my youngest’s wedding and in the photo I am flanked by my boys, both of them leaning in to kiss me on my cheeks.  With a sense of deep gratitude and awe I meditated on the gift of our love for one another.  It was then that I felt Holy Spirit starting to speak to my heart, reminding me that Father is even more capable of loving me than I am of loving those young men and suddenly His love exploded in the room, into something almost tangible and awe-inspiring.

My gaze shifted to a large-than-life painting of Jesus, wearing a crown of thorns, hanging directly in front of me.  It was in this atmosphere of the Father’s love and acceptance, meditating on Jesus on the cross, that Holy Spirit started to speak and I grabbed my journal.  What I wrote that morning I want to share with you verbatim, unedited and unadulterated in a hope that I will not muddy the clean, fresh water of Holy Spirit for you.

“Beyond the battered, bruised and bleeding Jesus, there is a Victorious King.  The cross was about shame, pain and humiliation – the place where Jesus took it all.  There was no glory in it.  It was on the other side of the Cross that the glory was manifested.  The glory of the Cross is not in the bruising, it is in what the bruising paid for.  Many people are still stuck at the cross and carry their own bruising as a badge of honor, making it their identity.  Jesus never did this!  He endured the cross so that He again could take up His rightful place in Heaven; take up residence at the Father’s right hand as Victor. You (the bride of Christ) are now seated in heavenly places – that is your rightful place, yet you glory in your suffering. There is a place beyond the suffering, prepared for those who are prepared to step beyond the cross and to those desperate to enter through the door opened by Jesus enduring the cross.

 Jesus gloried in the suffering – it was His way back into the throne room.  You indentify with His suffering in your suffering, as a way for yourself to also enter the throne room.  Jesus is no longer the suffering Bridegroom; He is the Victorious Bridegroom and He is returning for a victorious bride, not a suffering, bleeding and bruised reed.”

The next portion of what Holy Spirit shared with me came in the form of a prayer.  I prayed this as I wrote it, and I am praying it as I write it now.   Will you pray it with me?

“Jesus, You are my Bridegroom, the Lover of my soul.  Forgive me for thinking and believing the lie that my wounds, my suffering, were glorious in any way.  Forgive me for not seeing that my unhealed wounds dishonor you – it says that that You are not able and that is a lie!  Now, because of my love for You, I repent of; and renounce, any wound, any pain, any suffering in my soul, my body and my spirit that testifies against Your ability to save me, to heal me and to transform me.  I confess, declare and decree that there is life beyond my cross, as there was for You, beyond Your cross.  Where You are Jesus, there I also want to be.  Thank you that Your blood cleanses me, so that I am able to enter into that place.  I realize the veil is there because I put it there.  You ripped the veil when Your flesh was ripped.  Now I ask that You will again rip my veil and take me beyond.”

 And He raised us up together with Him and made us sit down together [giving us joint seating with Him] in the heavenly sphere [by virtue of our being] in Christ Jesus (the Messiah, the Anointed One).                                                                     Ephesians 2:6 (AMP)