For the life of a creature is in the blood, and I have given it to you to make atonement for yourselves on the altar; it is the blood that makes atonement for one’s life.

Leviticus 17:11

August, the eight month, has indeed been a month of new beginnings.  We have left Perth (and our family) behind to move interstate,  to Melbourne.  By the grace of the Lord, we have settled into a new home, a new office for Fred and the Lord had placed us in a new church family.  We also sense in our spirits that we have stepped into a very new spiritual season, one where we are out of our depth, a season where we have to unlearn some things and quickly learn new ways to engage with the presence and person of God, our Father.

We serve a God Who is from Everlasting to Everlasting, yet we still live our lives so very much on a temporal plane.  But…we are willing and able to learn and we have Holy spirit, Who is altogether a magnificent teacher.  So I am praying for a greater measure, or capacity, to unlearn and relearn.  Yesterday, we were challenged with a message about the Person of God and the pastor made a statement that unlocked something for me.  Not new, but a different perspective, I would say.

As the pastor said “God wants to draw you into Himself”, I saw a mental image of the circulatory system and as I meditated on that image, I realised what a wonderful analogy it is of the way Father wants to encounter us.  Our hearts are organs that work tremendously hard and when it fails, we perish.  The heart pumps oxygenated blood to every organ and cell of the body, in order to preserve life and by doing it this ebb and flow continually takes place in our bodies without our conscious awareness.  Oxygen-rich blood is drawn from the lungs, through the heart and distributed through every single part of the body.  While this is happening, oxygen-deleted blood is drawn back into the heart, to be pumped into the lungs, in order to be re-oxygenated.

The beauty of this process is that it happens without any effort from any cell inside the blood.  All the red blood cells, the white blood cells and the platelets have to do is to stay in the blood.  The moment the blood leaves the body, the cells can no longer sustain its own life and dies.

In this, I see this beautiful picture of our lives as Christians, of members of God’s family and of our purpose and calling as sons and daughters.  Just as there are many different cells in our blood, each with a unique, yet equally important function, we have different members and giftings, yet equally important to make our spiritual family function in a healthy fashion.  The red blood cells are the most common, and their job is to stay in the stream, to be used to distribute oxygen to the rest of the body.  Aren’t we all called to that?  Aren’t we all called to be filled with the spirit and sent by the Lord to deliver what we carry to those most in need of it?  The red blood cells do nothing in and of themselves.  They simply stay in the blood and allow themselves to be transported by the blood, to be pumped by the heart and they simply carry what they have been created to carry.  How easy our lives would be if we understand that Father’s desire is to draw us into Himself, to fill us with everything we need to do what He has designed for us to do and then to send us to simply deposit what He had deposited inside of us.  Imagine a world where healing, deliverance and signs and wonders continuously and effortlessly flowed from us, simply because we have been with Him and we are so saturated with “God-stuff” that it leaks out of us uncontrollably!

Then there are the white blood cells…the little warriors that react to any foreign invasion that might breach the body’s defences by racing through the blood, sacrificing themselves by surrounding the invader and eliminating the threat.  This reminds me of Jesus, who rushed to our aid, Who sacrificed Himself for us and succeeded in eliminating the threat forever. It also speaks to me of the prophets, teachers, missionaries, deliverers of every shape and description –  those members of our family who give themselves selflessly in order to rush to the breach and eliminate the threat.

So also Jesus suffered and died outside the city gates to make his people holy by means of his own blood.     Hebrews 13:12

The platelets remind me of the pastors and every member of the body who operates in the gift of mercy, hospitality and serves continuously.  They recognise where there’s bleeding and they rush to the site of the wound to staunch the flow, in order to preserve the life of the whole body.  Jesus again, is a beautiful example of this.  He saw how sin opened the door for us to be mortally wounded and He gave Himself so that there would be healing and health available for each one of us.

But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.        1 John 1:7

Thoughts to ponder:

• Father’s heart and desire is to draw us deeper into Him, for our mutual enjoyment and to empower us for service
• We don’t have to do anything, we simply surrender to the ebb and flow…as He breaths in, we are drawn into His presence and as He exhales we are released into the world around us to deliver what we have received from Him in the secret place
• We each have a unique calling and destiny…He created us and He is the One to reveal our purpose to us
• We have to stay in the river to sustain our lives. Outside of the body and His presence, we die

I am at the computer, surrounded by boxes taped shut.  Less than what I arrived in Perth with, I am proud to say.  We are moving on…again.  This time “just” interstate, not another emigration, although it might as well have been.  I have spend the week having coffee with various ladies, taking my leave and reflecting on how each one impacted my life.  Every single one was part of the Lord’s plan for perfecting me, teaching me how to grow in grace and for maturing me in every way.  How much was accomplished in five years!

I am purging my home and my life as I am packing, hoping to be travelling a little lighter.  The children have been on the receiving end of furniture and appliances, friends’ children received handbags and costume jewellery to play dress-up with and we’ve made numerous trips to the op shop.

Last night we had dinner with the children, to celebrate one of our girls’ birthday and driving home I mused on how much easier things are when you change your perspective.  I left New Zealand, kicking and screaming, feeling like my heart was ripped out and stomped on. I didn’t want farewell dinners and coffee dates.  I didn’t want to feel excited about the new season ahead, feel anticipation to meet new people and I definitely didn’t want a new adventure.  I wanted what I knew and loved.   This time round I choose to do things another way.  I plan to leave well, take with me the lessons learned, cherish the good memories we made here and pack the rest up in a big box, to ship to the foot of the cross, where I intend to leave it forevermore.

As I was cleaning out my document folder I found something I wrote in 2012, long before I even had the courage to share publicly what I meditated on in private.  As it’s all about having a different perspective, maybe now’s a good time for me to revisit it, as it fits into the “lessons learned” category very well.

REFLECTIONS OF A HOUSEWIFE

As I was cleaning this morning the Lord and I were just hanging out – you know that easy companionship you have with a close friend where just their presence is enough and few words need to be spoken – like that.

I started on the kitchen, my least favorite chore and noticed a smudge on one of the cupboard doors.  Later, as I went over to see to it, I stood right in front of the door, but that smudge was gone.  I had to change my position to allow the light to shine on the door and from that angle the smudge became perfectly visible.  I started to get an inkling that the Lord was going to say something, but only as I realized that I was going to need a step ladder to reach the top of the range hood, did He speak to my heart.  Sometimes it is necessary to ascend or to change position to allow the Light to reveal the smudges the Lord whispered.

Psalm 24 verses 3 and 4 came to mind.  The NIV version reads: Who may ascend the mountain of the LORD?  Who may stand in His holy place?  The one who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not trust in an idol or swear by a false god.

Often I find myself transfixed to a certain spot, a certain position or a certain vantage point, purely because I, like many others, am a creature of habit.  Same old does not bore me, it makes me feel safe.  Routine and tradition does not hinder me, it gives me a point of reference.  But there’s also a cry in my spirit, to have clean hands and a pure heart so that I too may ascend His mountain and stand in His presence.  This tension causes me much distress because my spirit wants to go higher and my flesh wants to die of fright.

In Ephesians 5, from verse 25 to 27 Paul shares a little about Jesus and His role in this cleansing process “and just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the Word, and to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.”  This tells me that I have to change my position so that Jesus can do the cleansing, the perfecting.  Sometimes it might mean a literal, physical repositioning; sometimes a spiritual realignment might be needed to allow Light to shine on spots and blemishes, revealing the idols and the blemishes in our lives.

The prophet Malachi warns us in Malachi 3: 1 – 5 “I will send My messenger, who will prepare the way before Me. Then suddenly the Lord you are seeking will come to His temple; the Messenger of the covenant, whom you desire, will come,” says the LORD Almighty.  But who can endure the day of His coming? Who can stand when He appears? For He will be like a refiner’s fire or a launderer’s soap. He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; He will purify the Levites and refine them like gold and silver. Then the LORD will have men who will bring offerings in righteousness,  and the offerings of Judah and Jerusalem will be acceptable to the LORD, as in days gone by, as in former years.

“So I will come to put you on trial. I will be quick to testify against sorcerers, adulterers and perjurers, against those who defraud laborers of their wages, who oppress the widows and the fatherless, and deprive the foreigners among you of justice, but do not fear Me,” says the LORD Almighty.

So I am resolved to submit myself to the scrubbing now, trusting Jesus to do the job well, so that He might present me to The Father radiant, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

Selah.

PS…I am welcoming the realignment now, the purging, the scrubbing and the re-positioning, even though it means more goodbyes, because I know that He is GOOD, His plans for me are to give me hope and a future and that everything, even this, will work together for my good because I love Him and He loves me.  May you find peace in the midst of your storm, calm in the midst of chaos and may His beautiful face shine brightly on us all.

 

Fourth Vision: Joshua’s New Clothes

3 ^1-2 Next the Messenger-Angel showed me the high priest Joshua. He was standing before God’s Angel where the Accuser showed up to accuse him. Then God said to the Accuser, “I, God, rebuke you, Accuser! I rebuke you and choose Jerusalem. Surprise! Everything is going up in flames, but I reach in and pull out Jerusalem!”

^3-4 Joshua, standing before the angel, was dressed in dirty clothes. The angel spoke to his attendants, “Get him out of those filthy clothes,” and then said to Joshua, “Look, I’ve stripped you of your sin and dressed you up in clean clothes.”

⁵ I spoke up and said, “How about a clean new turban for his head also?” And they did it—put a clean new turban on his head. Then they finished dressing him, with God’s Angel looking on.

^6-7 God’s Angel then charged Joshua, “Orders from God-of-the-Angel-Armies: ‘If you live the way I tell you and remain obedient in my service, then you’ll make the decisions around here and oversee my affairs. And all my attendants standing here will be at your service.

^8-9 “‘Careful, High Priest Joshua—both you and your friends sitting here with you, for your friends are in on this, too! Here’s what I’m doing next: I’m introducing my servant Branch. And note this: This stone that I’m placing before Joshua, a single stone with seven eyes’—Decree of God-of-the-Angel-Armies—‘I’ll engrave with these words: “I’ll strip this land of its filthy sin, all at once, in a single day.”

¹⁰ “‘At that time, everyone will get along with one another, with friendly visits across the fence, friendly visits on one another’s porches.’”

                                                                Zechariah 3 (MSG)

Having returned from Cambodia three days ago, I am reflecting on our time there…particularly on a visit to S-21, the Genocide museum in Phnom Penh.  Tuol Sleng, a former high school, was the secret centre of a network of nearly 200 prisons where people were brutally tortured by the Khmer Rouge during Pol Pot’s regime in the 70s.  Between 12 000 and 20 000 people were imprisoned there, with only 12 confirmed survivors.

This has been my fifth visit to Phnom Penh, but the first time I had the courage to venture into S-21.  Walking from room to room with Amanda, I was assaulted by the reminders of the brutality that torturers inflicted on their fellow Cambodians.  Family members accused each other, former class mates would be victims, babies would be photographed in the arms of their mothers, only to be whisked away to be brutally killed at the Killing Fields, 15 km south of the city, and buried in mass graves, together with the people who were killed at S-21.

I saw the iron beds where prisoners were shackled and tortured, the floors forever stained by the blood spilled there.  I saw the little cells hastily constructed with bricks and wood where prisoners were left to wait, in terror of the next “interrogation” session. More blood stains on the floors… I saw photo upon photo of ones who came into the prison, never to be seen again.  In many places, our hearts were beating so fast, we felt dizzy. We listened to a narrator telling the stories of those killed here.  We also heard the voice of a former torturer, describing what he had done. By the time we came to the room with paintings depicting the brutal torture techniques used on the prisoners, we could take no more.  We left weeping, dumb-struck.

You might wonder what impacted me the most.  The huge pile of iron shackled filling one side of a former classroom?  The desk and chair where an unfortunate prisoner had to write a confession, naming people who were ‘opposing’ the communist regime, knowing they were writing death sentence upon death sentence for innocents?  The rows upon rows of photos of children and teens?  The iron beds next to graphic photos of the bodies found there when the prison was liberated?

No. Awful as it all was to see, what tore my heart more than anything else were the words of a former torturer.  His said, when asked what he was feeling while he was torturing his brothers and sisters, fellow Cambodians, “I was proud because I was crushing the enemy”.  The enemy.  Yesterday, they were all proudly Cambodian, today they are enemies to be crushed, all because of ideology.

Which brings me to the scripture I started with.  We still have an Accuser working tirelessly to accuse us before God and to one another.  If he can make us believe someone is an enemy, whether it’s because of doctrinal differences, or the length of hair or a skirt, or a tattoo or the lack of one, if he can convince us to see each other as “the enemy”, he can stir up in us this horrible thing that cause us to desire to “crush”.  We see it everywhere…nation against nation, but also denomination against nomination, family against family, brother against brother.

My heart breaks when I see family member accusing family member, torturing with the tongue, sowing discord and strive, keeping feuds alive for generations.  I ache when congregation sets itself up against congregation, denomination against denomination, pastor against pastor, male against female, parent against child.  The is no peace anywhere, not in the church, not in the home.

The Accuser speaks fluently and eloquently through the mouths and pens of those gifted by the Lord.  What He meant for good, to inspire and encourage is perverted and used to maim, rob, kill and destroy.  Ringing any bells yet?  I cringe when I see entire websites dedicated to accusing certain churches, pastors or groups.  Really?  This is the best we can do?

We can walk around places like Auschwitz, or S-21 or the killing fields of my former homeland and think to ourselves “thank God, I am not like that” or “thank God, I wasn’t here” but are we blameless?  Do we not torture with our tongue, accuse before man and God those who are our brothers and sisters?  Will the Lord not rebuke us as He rebuked the enemy?

Can we humble ourselves today and allow the Lord to strip us of our filthy robes, put a clean turban on our heads? Can we allow Him to take a coal from the altar and cleanse our lips?  Can we agree together and say “amen” when the Lord says “Careful”? Can we trust Him to search hearts, judge righteously and clean up His own?

“‘Careful, High Priest Joshua—both you and your friends sitting here with you, for your friends are in on this, too! Here’s what I’m doing next: I’m introducing my servant Branch. And note this: This stone that I’m placing before Joshua, a single stone with seven eyes’—Decree of God-of-the-Angel-Armies—‘I’ll engrave with these words: “I’ll strip this land of its filthy sin, all at once, in a single day.”

Let it be Lord, as You have said!

He told him, “Go wash yourself in the pool of Siloam” (Siloam means “sent”). So the man went and washed and came back seeing!                       John 9:7 NLT

This morning I was mentally going over my to-do list.  It started with the practical, day-to-day things I needed to take care of, but soon it took on a life of its own and my mind went off in another direction altogether.

Then, suddenly the voice of Holy Spirit arrested my anxious thoughts and I heard Him say “Don’t work harder to make someone’s dreams happen than they do”.  I’ve been meditating on this ever since and I’m going to share my thoughts with you.

As I started to think on these things, Holy Spirit brought people and incidents to mind where I had cared more about situations, outcomes, destinies, dreams, visions and plans than the people who voiced them in the first place!  I remembered times where I worked harder, became more frustrated and exhausted and carried a heavier burden than the person who had the dream.

As I share some of these situations with you, allow the Lord to speak to your heart.  You might identify with me, you might feel convicted of doing too much, or leaning on others more than you should…whatever the case may be, bring to the light what belongs in the light.

I thought about my childhood.  I had been given a huge responsibility to raise children I did not birth and I felt the burden of not measuring up.  In turn I recalled those guitar lessons the boys hated, but took because I never had the opportunity to take them myself.  The intention was good – I wanted to give them what I have been deprived of, but as the saying goes “the road to hell is paved with good intentions”.

I recalled my professional life.  I worked so hard, gave so much of myself, even to the point that there was little left for my family, to fulfil the hopes of parents and the needs of my employer.  They had a mission…to make money, and a vision…to look like they cared while they were doing it.  I had to make both those things happen.

My thoughts went to ministry life…some of the most disappointing, painful memories fall in this category.  There were those I journeyed with who cared less about the call on their lives than me, those who had so many plans and visions, but relied on me to make it happen by funding it and by doing the heavy lifting.  There were those who flattered me, praised me, hung on every word I spoke, only to go right back to doing what they were doing before.  I also recalled many times where the Lord placed a burden on my heart and I tried to pass the buck or simply bowed out when the going got tough. To my shame I heard myself say “someone ought to do something about…”  when I was that someone.

This being far from an exhaustive list, let me move on to the point I want to make.  I was wondering whether this was even biblical.  Then the Lord reminded me of His plan, His vision, His dream…to have a spotless bride for His Son.   He acted by sending His Son to broker peace between us and Himself.  There was no expectation on us to do the heavy lifting, God the Son took full responsibility for making the dream happen. His dream, His action. Yes, we also have our role to play, we work out our salvation with fear and trembling, we do our part to choose Him and to walk with Him and to do what we know is right daily and we do it by His grace, which empowers us to walk the narrow road.  God does the God-stuff and we do the people-stuff.

In the book of John, chapter 5 we read about a blind man who had a dream, who needed his vision restored and about Jesus’ unique approach.

When Jesus had said this, He spat on the ground, made some mud, and applied it to the man’s eyes. Then He told him, “Go, wash in the pool of Siloam” (which means Sent). So the man went and washed, and came back seeing.… John 9:6, 7 NLT

Jesus took care of the divine and expected the man to play a part in making the dream come true.  Had the blind man not acted, done his part, put his hands in the water and lifted it to his owns eyes, he would have died blind.

There is another, somewhat similar account in 2 Kings 5. Naaman had a dream…to be healed and restored but as we can see from the following text, he almost missed the boat because he expected the prophet to do all the work…

The king of Aram had great admiration for Naaman, the commander of his army, because through him the LORD had given Aram great victories. But though Naaman was a mighty warrior, he suffered from leprosy. (verse 1)
So Naaman came with his horses and his chariots and stood at the doorway of the house of Elisha. Elisha sent a messenger to him, saying, “Go and wash in the Jordan seven times, and your flesh will be restored to you and you will be clean.” But Naaman was furious and went away and said, “Behold, I thought, ‘He will surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the LORD his God, and wave his hand over the place and cure the leper.’… “Are not Abanah ? Coand Pharpar, the rivers of Damascus, better than all the waters of Israeluld I not wash in them and be clean?” So he turned and went away in a rage. Then his servants came near and spoke to him and said, “My father, had the prophet told you to do some great thing, would you not have done it? How much more then, when he says to you, ‘Wash, and be clean ‘?”… So he went down and dipped himself seven times in the Jordan, according to the word of the man of God; and his flesh was restored like the flesh of a little child and he was clean.…(v9 – 14)

Let’s get practical for a minute.  Are you working harder than someone else to  make their dream come true?  Prayerfully consider this question and find a way to put boundaries around yourself.  Maybe you could seek godly counsel, speak to someone who can help or find a good book to read.

The next one might be slightly harder, but ask Holy Spirit to reveal to you any possible areas where you are expecting someone else to work harder than you, to make your dreams come true.  Repent, confess your sin and make amends.  Don’t expect people to do for you what the Lord has asked of you, and absolutely don’t expect people to do for you what only the Lord can.

Release them from the burden you’ve placed on them and trust the Father to empower you to do your own job well.

His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful and trustworthy over a little, I will put you in charge of many things; share in the joy of your master.’                   Matthew 25:21

 

 

 

 

 

 

A few days ago, I watched William P Young’s (author of The Shack) testimony on YouTube.  It was a wonderful story of redemption and a man’s struggle to find “home”.  Listening to him explain what he was thinking as he wrote the book, after eleven years of contending for his emotional healing, made me appreciate the story even more.  He made a statement that struck a chord in my heart, stuck in my mind and caused me to pay attention to what I hear and to what other people hear, as we negotiate this mine field called “communication”.

While he was sharing about how difficult it became to hide his pain after getting married, he told of an incident where his wife asked him not to mix the whites with the colours when loading the washing machine, and of his internal struggle with it.  As he put it “she was making an observation, but I heard a value statement”.  I have been meditating on that phrase ever since.

I believe that this is a very common and familiar ailment, part and package of the human condition and the only remedy for this is to be grounded in the father’s love and to find our value in Him alone.  I believe this is the reason why some people seem almost unteachable and why most of us don’t appreciate discipline and correction.  When Holy Spirit whispers a word of correction in our hearts, when our spouse, child, pastor or employer mentions something that could be done differently, we don’t hear an observation, we hear a value statement.

The author of the book of Hebrews exhorts the church regarding the Lord’s discipline with these words: ‘And have you forgotten his encouraging words spoken to you as his children?  He said, “My child, don’t underestimate the value of the discipline and training of the Lord God.  Or get depressed when he has to correct you.  For the Lord’s training of your life is the evidence of his faithful love and when he draws you to himself it proves you are his delightful child.”  Fully embrace God’s correction as part of your training, for he is doing what any loving father does for his children.  For who has ever heard of a child who has never been corrected?  We all should welcome God’s discipline as validation of authentic sonship.  For if we have never once endured his correction it only proves we are strangers and not sons’.  Hebrews 12:5-8 TPT

We go to church and the sermon pushes a button.  We don’t hear “we can do better” we hear “you don’t measure up, you aren’t good enough, you are not spiritual enough, you are not acceptable”.  When your spouse says “we should get a little more exercise, we hear “you are too fat, you are not attractive anymore, you have let yourself go”, instead of what might very well have been “I love you and I am concerned about your health, I want you to be around for a long time…I value your presence and I want it for as long as possible’.

It seems that at the root of most relational and communicative problems lies this truth…we don’t hear what is being said.  We don’t hear, because somewhere, somehow, someone or something has lied to us and we have come into agreement with that lie. Somewhere we have been told, either in words or by their actions “you are not enough”, “you are not what I need”, “you do not fill the void”.  We believed it, we have come into agreement with it and now we operate from that position.  When it comes to the Lord’s discipline, we don’t really belief the Word.  Hebrews 12:11 says this:  Now all discipline seems to be more pain than pleasure at the time, yet later it will produce a transformation of character, bringing a harvest of righteousness and peace to those who yield to it.” (TPT)

That’s the truth, that’s an observation, but we hear a value statement.  We hear “I discipline you because you don’t measure up to My standards, I can’t use you because you are worthless as you are, I have to fix you first”.

Let me finish with some ideas of how to apply this revelation.  Firstly, prayerfully consider how you hear.  Ask the Lord to reveal your heart to you, trust Him to show you the lies that you believe and replace those with the truth, according to His Word.  Secondly, be mindful that almost every other person you deal with are as insecure and wounded as you are.  Guard your heart, and theirs…they also hear value statements instead of observations.

May the Lord of all grace and mercy speak clearly to our hearts and give us ears to hear and eyes to see.

love

noun \ˈləv\

 Google the definition for love and get ready to spend a long time reading.  Everybody seems to have their own definition and I remember something from my childhood:  Love hearts with the words “Love is”, followed by some quaint saying…like “bringing her coffee in bed” or something equally silly and meaningless, everywhere.  The yellow heart dangling from my mother’s car’s rear view mirror is indelibly etched into my mind.

Even Mirriam Webster, usually concise in defining words, produced a whopper:

Definition of love (Merriam Webster online dictionary)

1. a (1) :  strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties maternal love for a child (2) :  attraction based on sexual desire :  affection and tenderness felt by lovers  (3) :  affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests  b :  an assurance of affection
2. warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion
3. the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration b a beloved
4. unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another: such as (1) :  the fatherly concern of God for humankind (2) :  brotherly concern for others b :  a person’s adoration of God
5. a god (such as Cupid or Eros) or personification of love
6. an amorous episode
7. the sexual embrace
8. a score of zero (as in tennis)
9. capitalized, Christian Science:  God

The Greek scholars identified four different forms of love, which we are quite familiar with:

Agape:  Considered the highest form of love, it’s an unconditional love that sees beyond the outer surface and accepts the recipient for whom he/she is, regardless of their flaws, shortcomings or faults, the way God loves us.

Storge:  A kind of family and friendship love, a nurturing love relationship, as between parents and children, without which we don’t bond.  Children who grew up without the nurturing love of their parents, for whatever reason, have a life-long struggle to form healthy, lasting relationships.

Eros:  The passionate and intense love that arouses romantic feelings; the kind that often triggers “high” feelings in a new relationship, which is simply an emotional and sexual love and often mistaken for what is nothing but sheer lust.

Phileo:  An affectionate, warm and tender platonic (brotherly) love, the kind we strive for as a body.

Then there’s the Bible.  Depending on the version you read, you will encounter the word “love” between 310 (King James Version) and 551 (New International Version) times.  We know and love the verses about God’s love, we exhort each other to love Him, ourselves and each other by quoting beautiful passages and we cling to these when our lives go pear-shaped – as we very well should.

There’s 1 Corinthians 13: 4,5: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” (NIV) often quoted at weddings and verses like Isaiah 49: 15, 16, a personal favourite of mine: “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.” (NIV) that brings healing and encouragement when you feel rejected or abandoned.

As someone with a huge mountain of family-of-origin issues, someone who has suffered rejection, abandonment, betrayal and emotional pain, I have never been comfortable with being loved.  It has never been easy, or natural, for me to allow people close enough to love on me and thus I have struggled to love in return.  Many have told me how much they loved me, just before, during or just after they have committed the gravest damage, injustice or betrayal against me.  I have been accused of being loveless and cold and I have accepted my “inability” to love as fact.  The problem was that I was (and is, and will be) dealing with people who have their own definition and expectation of what love is and who will be evaluating me against their own units of measurement.  That I will be falling short, is a given.  The only question is how far short I will fall.  I bet you, dear reader, that you are in exactly the same boat.  What are we to do?

A lie that we need to put to death, is the lie that we are not capable of loving…Love Himself resides in us, we are indeed new creations and we are created in the image of Love, after His kind.  For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.  (2 Timothy 1:7 NIV)

So…how do we love and how can we tell that we are loving?  I am going to borrow the answer from one of my favourite authors, Ann Voskamp.  In her book, The Broken Way, she writes that love is sacrifice.  How do you know you love?  When you are prepared to sacrifice…it’s when you can say “I am what I love and I will love you like Jesus, because of Jesus, through the strength of Jesus.  I will love when I’m not loved back.  I will love when I’m hurt and disappointed and betrayed and inconvenienced and rejected.  I simply will love, no expectations, no conditions, no demands.  Love is not always agreement with someone, but it is always sacrifice for someone.”

So how will I love you?  I will take that phone call when I’d rather be taking a nap.  I will bake that cake, buy that gift, send that email.  I will wash that car, take out that rubbish, make that cup of tea; when everything in me screams about the injustice done to me, I will sacrifice my ego, deny my aching heart, lay down my right to hold you accountable and surrender my will, my needs and my comfort.  That is the sacrifice I will make and that is how I will love.

I will do it even when you don’t recognise that it’s costing me something, when you don’t applaud or thank me, when you never offer me a cup in return, when I never hear you say how well I’ve done and I will do it after you have betrayed me, hurt me, rejected me and disappointed me.  I will do it because Jesus did it for me, long before I had any awareness of Him, because He is doing it for me daily and because He gives me what I need to keep doing it.

How will you love me?

The road to true intimacy with God is an inward journey, proceeding into His Presence through the entrance gate of quietness of the soul. It is a narrow track that lies well off the beaten path, virtually unseen and ignored by the vast majority of humanity careening headlong through life.

–   Jim Goll –

Have you noticed how hard it is to find a quiet place?  The world has become so noisy!  You walk into church and the “sanctuary” is everything but a sanctuary.  The Merrian-Webster online dictionary define “sanctuary” as a place of refuge and protection, or as a consecrated place, but even the sanctuary has become a place polluted by noise.  Bright lights and loud music with catchy tunes supposedly chosen to draw us in, set the scene for an even louder onslaught heralded in by the drummer’s one-two-three-four tapped out on wooden drumsticks.

Please don’t misunderstand me…this is not a blog dedicated to griping about the evils of “modern worship music”.  It’s just me musing about my own struggle to find “quiet” , to escape the noise pollution, even in my own soul.  When you contemplate the above quote by Jim Goll and you ponder the phrase “, proceeding into His Presence through the entrance gate of quietness of the soul” you can perhaps identify with my frustration.  I desperately want and need more of the Lord’s presence in my life, to simply sit at His feet, listening to his voice, like Mary did.  When did quietness become extinct?  It died, and none of us noticed!

Jesus, our Christus Exemplar, teaches us the art of quietness of soul.  Luke writes that ”Jesus Himself would often slip away to the wilderness and pray [in seclusion]” (Luke 5:16 AMP) and Jesus also encouraged His disciples to seek refuge in seclusion.

There was such a swirl of activity around Jesus, with so many people coming and going, that they were unable to even eat a meal.  So Jesus said to His disciples, “Come, let’s take a break and find a secluded place where you can rest a while”.  They slipped away and left by sailboat for a deserted spot.  Mark 6: 31, 32 TPT

Let’s put this scenario into a modern context.  Here is Jesus, a powerful, charismatic, miracle-working upstart with only three years to his disposal.  He’s on a tight deadline, his death is imminent and he has work to do.  He is the CEO of a rising star, a corporation destined to impact the globe and he has appointed twelve general managers, handpicked and in training to oversee and facilitate the meteoric growth of the corporation. If Jesus was the modern-day CEO, or possibly the senior pastor of a modern mega-church, he would certainly not be encouraging his GMs to take breaks.  He would set tight deadlines, encourage short nights and long days and he would constantly remind the workers that the clock was ticking.  He would employ the latest techniques to encourage the workers to go the extra mile…promises of promotion, financial incentives and maybe even resorting to emotional blackmailing or the odd guilt trip.

Yet, Jesus encourages the apostles to step away, to get alone with God and to rest and eat.  “What madness!”, the modern CEO or church leader would say.  Who takes a break in the middle of a financial boom, or in the middle of a revival?  To that, I’d say “smart people”.

For the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel has said this, “In returning [to Me] and rest you shall be saved, in quietness and confident trust is your strength.”                                                      Is. 30:15 AMP

We need to rediscover the power and the confidence that comes from quieting our souls and the atmosphere around us.  Like the mystics of old, we need to “practice the presence of God” (Brother Lawrence, 17^th century Christian mystic) in silence and contemplation.  Moses, Joshua, Jacob and Elijah set examples that we can study and glean from.  Read the following passages:

 Now Moses used to take his own tent and pitch it outside the camp, far away from the camp, and he called it the tent of meeting [of God with His own people]. And everyone who sought the Lord would go out to the [temporary] tent of meeting which was outside the camp.  Ex. 33: 7 AMP

 And so the Lord used to speak to Moses face to face, just as a man speaks to his friend. When Moses returned to the camp, his attendant Joshua, the son of Nun, a young man, would not depart from the tent.    Ex. 33: 11 AMP

²² But he got up that same night and took his two wives, his two female servants, and his eleven children, and waded over the ford of the Jabbok. ²³ Then he took them and sent them across the brook. And he also sent across whatever he had.²⁴ So Jacob was left alone, and a Man [came and] wrestled with him until daybreak. ²⁵ When the Man saw that He had not prevailed against Jacob, He touched his hip joint; and Jacob’s hip was dislocated as he wrestled with Him. ²⁶ Then He said, “Let Me go, for day is breaking.” But Jacob said, “I will not let You go unless You declare a blessing on me.”²⁷ So He asked him, “What is your name?” And he said, “Jacob.” ²⁸ And He said, “Your name shall no longer be Jacob, but Israel; for you have struggled with God and with men and have prevailed.”   Gen. 32:22 – 28 AMP

Also read Elijah’s encounter with God alone in the wilderness, 1 Kings 19

From these passages we see that Moses was deliberate in seeking solitude, Joshua lingered in God’s presence, Jacob discovered his true identity and received a mighty blessing and Elijah was fired up again, recommissioned and powerfully impacted.  Why would this not be true for us too?

May I encourage you to be deliberate and intentional in your pursuit of solitude.  Find ways and places where you can quiet your soul and make time to linger in His presence.

Abba Father, You are the Most High God and we long to sit at your feet, to linger in your present and to find rest for our overburdened souls.  Please, grant us the grace to turn off the noise, to ignore the distractions and to find peace, rest, strength and confidence in you.    Amen

The usual prophetic word for 2017?  Not close…rather a challenge to get you thinking.

So here we are, a few days into 2017 and I yet to give or receive a new and fresh New Year’s “wish”.  It’s pretty much same old all round…the same people using the same words, sending the same predictable text messages and quoting the same scriptures as last year.  I knew who would be in first, sending New Year’s greetings on New Year’s Eve.  I knew who would be sending a long, carefully worded message pirated from somewhere else, who would be filling the gaps with endless emoticons, who would be days late (me, usually) because they were too distracted to bother earlier.

Yet we hear endless quotes, “prophesies” even, of the Lord doing a NEW THING, while we are shaking in our boots at the thought of having to spend time with the latest arrivals at church.  “Woohoo, new people, I can’t wait for the service to end so I can go over there and get to know them!”  says no-one ever (unless you’re on the welcoming team and it’s your job).  We’d rather huddle in our familiar groups, catch up on the news we missed out on since we huddled last Sunday.

So many of us are feeling stuck, dry, bored, blasé, desperately hoping someone will be brave enough to do something new so that we can ride their coat tails until new feels familiar and comfortable and we run no risk of being challenged to lock the gate to our comfort zone and throw away the key.  I admit, I am a creature of habit as much as the next person.  I sit in the same seat at church, I have a few people I enjoy talking to, I have favourite scriptures I go back to, and at my age clothes and shoes are selected for comfort, rather than for making a fashion statement.  Social media and my email inbox have both become instruments of torture…filled with post and advertisements for gyms, diet products, exercise clothes and the rest…exactly the same as last year, and the years before.  Thankfully there’s a “hide ad” and delete button that has yet to wear out (I am working on it though).

If we are honest with ourselves, we must admit that much of what we do is “same old” in a different way. Albert Einstein is credited with a definition of insanity being doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.  If that be true, we are all raving lunatics.  Last year we worked through John Bevere’s curriculum “Good or God” and I was truly impacted by the fact that I am guilty of doing many good, even godly things, without an unquestionable word from God.  I am also reminded that Satan disguises himself as an angel of light…he will more often distract and derail us with what seems good, godly and the right “Christian” thing to do, by presenting opportunities that seemingly comes from God, but has no other purpose than to distract us from doing the perfect will of the Father.  Doing good and godly things, when not mandated by the Lord, is still missing the mark, still disobedience – sin for us who know better.

I cannot speak for you, but I know why I do this thing.  Like Sarah, I am impatient and I hate to wait.  I feel so much more comfortable when I am doing something, anything, as long as I am not doing nothing.  I will even continue to do what did not work before, hoping that this time it will produce some fruit…that’s my comfort zone…being busy, doing something, so that no-one can accuse me of being lazy, not pulling my weight, giving up, being a quitter.  Even if it’s not working for me, I will not give up because I keep on hoping that this time will be different.  Yeah right!

In Psalm 27 David encourages us to “Wait patiently for the LORD.  Be brave and courageous; Yes, wait patiently for the LORD” (v14 NLT).  In Psalm 25:3 he reminds us that indeed, none who waits on the Lord will be ashamed.  Last year I discovered a new kind of courage, bravery that looked like doing nothing, when I learned that sometimes it takes more courage to keep on living than it does to take your own life, that you need incredibly bravery to wait on the Lord’s rescue, rather than trying to medicate away your pain by sticking a needle in a vein, taking a drink or popping a pill.  I learned that sometimes waiting is the most godly, obedient act of all.  I also learned that “new” is something that DID NOT EXIST BEFORE, something that is FOR THE FIRST TIME.  If is was before, then it’s not new and waiting for it is brutal, because it goes against everything we are.

I would love to share some scriptures to encourage your souls, and mine, as we set our hearts to waiting on the Lord, as uncomfortable as it may be, and to be bold and brave as we embrace the NEW of God, in whatever form it comes.  May we have the courage to let go of what lies behind, be it treasured relationships, possessions, mindsets, ministries or geographic locations.  May we be strong enough to do nothing until we hear His voice command us to GO and then may we be brave and fearless and go where no man has gone before!  (Sorry, I could not resist)

But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] Will gain new strength and renew their power; They will lift up their wings [and rise up close to God] like eagles [rising toward the sun]; They will run and not become weary, They will walk and not grow tired.        (Is. 40:31 AMP)

The Lord is good to those who wait [confidently] for Him, To those who seek Him [on the authority of God’s word].  (Lam. 3:25 AMP)

But as for me, I will look expectantly for the Lord and with confidence in Him I will keep watch;
I will wait [with confident expectation] for the God of my salvation.  My God will hear me.     (Micah 7:7 AMP)

So how will all the waiting end, you may wonder.  The prophet Isaiah recorded the answer for us in Chapter 25, verse 9:

And it will be said in that day, “Behold, this is our God for whom we have waited that He might save us.  This is the LORD for whom we have waited; Let us rejoice and be glad in His salvation.”

 

Here we are, December 2016.  How did the year pass so quickly?  As we are beginning to look forward to Christmas, decorations are filling the shops, streets and homes and horrible renditions of Christmas carols bombard us from everywhere.  Same old, same old…

What might initially seem to be a word out of season, it being the time when we celebrate the birth of our Savior, is actually exactly the message we need to be reminded of.  Christmas is not merry and festive for all of us…some people are fighting hard, lonely battles even as they are surrounded by a sea of people.

We celebrate One who came as a Gift, One who was born with one purpose only…to lay down His life, One who is holding space for us right now.  In this blog, Amanda is issuing a challenge…will we be His hands and feet, will we be to those doing it tough, what He is to us?  Will we be the gift, be prepared to give ourselves away?

To every person who had been reading our thoughts all year, thank you for journeying with us.  We bless you with love, peace and hope this Christmas.

Nicky and the team

The Sea of Loneliness and Isolation

by Amanda Byliefeldt

In this month’s blog, I am going to be very transparent and although I might be judged in thoughts or hearts, this needs to be said. I want to write about something that most people don’t talk about, because it could reflect badly on them.

We tend to hide the fact that we struggle. We want everyone to think that when you are in Christ you don’t suffer and you don’t struggle, as if this make us righteous or “good” Christians. We don’t share when we go through seasons where it is difficult to pray…. seasons when the Bible accumulates dust on the nightstand and we are unable to open it, even when every religious cell in us is telling us to just read more… seasons where we just can’t bring ourselves to the place of lifting our arms to worship the One and Only God.

There are seasons when I am so on fire that anyone that comes close to me will ignite with passion instantly.  This is not my doing, it is all the Holy Spirit working through me. I have seasons where I will get revelation upon revelation and prophetic word upon prophetic word.  I will get opportunities to speak life into people and touch lives, all because God is good and loves us. I will dance, flag and worship for hours on end.  These experiences make me feel alive.  I will read my Bible for hours, and pray for hours.  Understand that I am not trying to tell you that you need to pray more or read more or worship more. In fact, I am trying to tell you that seasons change and we all go through it.

Struggle is a part of our daily lives. Jesus never promised us a happy life, without struggles and suffering. Suffering is a constant part of life too, but we mostly do this in private…afraid of judgement. We don’t share our struggles, and because we don’t share, so many young Christians fall away from the faith because they think that life as a Christian should be all moonshine and roses.

Jesus said, in John 16:33, “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

I have been going through a tough season lately. In the beginning I did not want to talk about it, afraid of being judged. My religious mindset told me that I am the problem, that I am backsliding because I do not do enough. There it is again…the real question…is this me, trying to impress man? Me trying to earn grace? It is so easy to fall into this trap. I don’t share this because I have an “image” to uphold…. I share this so that everyone will know that THIS DO HAPPEN.

It is normal, but it is not widely talked about. King David felt alone and wrote in Psalm 13 about his struggle and feeling abandoned.  In verse 1b (The Passion Translation) he says “How much longer, Lord? Will you look the other way when I’m in need?”  Psalm 142 too, was penned down by King David because he felt lonely and isolated.  Jesus, the best example, struggled so severely that He sweated blood:  Luke 22:44, He prayed more fervently, and he was in such agony of spirit that his sweat fell to the ground like great drops of blood.

I’m not a poet but these words flooded my heart and thoughts, so I wrote them down.  I am sharing this so that you can see, it’s OK to be in a place like this.

I am floating in a sea….
It feels calm, flat and uneventful
this sea is called the sea of life.

I don’t see my beginning,
and I definitely don’t see
where I am going.

I feel stagnant!
But am I, really?
Movement is slow,
almost non-existent.

I don’t feel the wind driving
me, and I don’t see the current
moving me.

I am aware of YOU, Daddy God.
I sense Your presence… No wait,
I don’t sense it; it is a knowing because
of past seasons. The knowledge of
YOUR Word that says “I will never
leave you nor forsake you”. I believe that
with all my heart….

I don’t hear YOU, right now.
I don’t see you, right now.
I don’t feel you, right now.
Where are you? Do you hear me?

Does this mean You are no longer
there? No, it is just my senses that
I can’t trust. My senses that I use to
rely on to know that YOU are there.

How long LORD do I need to float
in this stagnant sea?

Where is my passion?
Where is my fire?
Nothing is driving me…
Nothing excites me…

What happened? One moment
I am surfing the giant wave, high up there;
next moment I plunge and slide off this
giant wave into the stagnant sea.

I need you LORD!
I need Your touch, LORD!
I need to hear Your voice, LORD!
I need Your Fire, my KING!

Where are You?
I want to feel Your
touch and warm embrace.
I want to hear Your voice and
sweet melodies in my ears.
I want to see you, my Lover.
I want to dance with You like before!

How long do I have to float in this
ocean of loneliness and isolation?
How long do I have to hang on?

How long before You stretch my
sails and set my course?
How long till Your Spirit pushes me forward?
How long till I can surf Your waves of
excitement again?

How long till I feel the passion again?
How long Lord, how long?

I am an emotional being; I know that and I have embraced that my whole life.  I engage my senses.  I used to trust my senses and my emotions to guide me. I feel, I see, I hear, I sometimes smell His presence and then I have this awareness of Him being right next to me. It’s been a while since I felt alive, engaged in my senses.

In the beginning of the year our Pastor’s wife did an exercise with us. She asked us to close our eyes and then she asked us 3 questions. One: How do you see Jesus? Two:  How do you see the Holy Spirit? Three:  How do you see Father God? During this exercise, we had to wait for a picture, not knowledge of what the Word of God says.

My picture of Jesus startled me…it was so not religious, nor Biblical. I saw Jesus on the cross and as I looked at it, the cross become the backbone of a small boat and I was standing in it.

I saw the Holy Spirit as water, a river or ocean. This was not as far-fetched as Jesus as a boat. This I could agree with. This I could understand.

Father God I saw as a tree, an electric tree.  It was alive and it was energetic, the energy radiating from this tree just electrifying and brilliant. Sharp, piercing light radiated from it.

At that moment, I did not understand the full meaning of the pictures.  Only now do I comprehend its full meaning.  God, through His Holy Spirit, prepared me for this season; the “stagnant” season. God gave me this picture so that I would understand when I am floating in the sea of life, unable to fathom whether I am going forward or backwards, I am in JESUS and that is all that is important.  Even when there are no storms and progress is unsure, the importance is that I am secure in HIM. The Holy Spirit is the water, the ocean.  The ocean moves, the currents are not visible to the untrained eye, but they are there and they are moving. I am moving forward…

This season is teaching me never to judge when other people are in the ocean of isolation and loneliness.  It is teaching me to not tell those people to pray more, read their Bible more, fast more or worship more; that is not what they need to hear. When you sense someone is in the ocean of isolation and loneliness, a place of stagnancy, YOU pray for them, YOU read to them, YOU feed them.  Sometimes we don’t need others to bring us spiritual food because God made sure we have reserves for the season and something we need to be fed nutritious, real food.  We need a helping hand and a friend.

Are you willing to walk the extra mile for a friend?  Are you willing to lay down your life for that of a friend (John 15:13)?  A few months ago, I received this scripture as a prophetic scripture and at that moment I was shocked, thinking I must die for someone. Now, suddenly, this verse means more than physical death…it means putting your life on hold and listening to one who struggles.  Feed that friend that has zero energy to feed herself. Pray for the friend that is struggling to breathe, let alone pray.

Seasons come and go… seasons of isolation and loneliness happen and it brings spiritual growth and you might be in the sea of isolation and loneliness sooner than you anticipate. Are you willing to put your own life on hold and feed your friend?

 

 

There is the truth: Blessed – lucky – are those who cry.  Blessed are those who are sad, who mourn, who feel the loss of what they love – because they will be held by the One who loves them.  There is a strange and aching happiness only the hurting know – for they shall be held.                                                           Ann Voskamp, The Broken Way

 

Don’t.Touch.Me!  I was many hours into a difficult lab our and the kind nurse was offering me the only comfort she could afford…to rub my aching back.  How was she to know I am one of those odd ducks who shy away from touch when I am in pain?  I have spent my life avoiding people when I hurt, I have perfected isolating my aching self into a fine art.  Just the other day, a friend wanting to comfort me with a hug, had to chase me around the room, finally trapping me in a corner before she could wrap her arms around me.  It would have been hilarious, had it not been so tragic.

I read the words written by Ann Voskamp and I weep on the inside.  I weep for the broken girl, still too terrified to allow herself to be held, the little girl desperately uncomfortable when she’s told she is loved.  When we are tired, broken, aching and falling apart, the Father wants to do nothing more than hold us.  Jesus speaks an invitation to a broken and overburdened humanity in The gospel of Matthew, chapter 11.  “So everyone, come to me!  Are you weary, carrying a heavy burden?  The come to me.  I will refresh your life, for I am your oasis.  Simply join your life with mine.  Learn my ways and you’ll discover that I’m gentle, humble, easy to please.  You will find refreshment and rest in me.  For all that I require of you will be pleasant and easy to bear.”  (verses 28 -30 TPT)

I hear Him speak, yet I still struggle.  I writhe, I wriggle, I strain to break free from the loving arms that want nothing more than to hold me until it hurts no more.  I read the Psalms over and over and I identify with King David when he cries out to God “How long until you take away this pain in my body and in my soul?  Lord, I’m trembling in fear!  Turn back death from my door and deliver my life because I know you love and desire me as your very own.  I’m so exhausted and worn-out with my weeping.  I endure weary, sleepless nights filled with moaning, soaking my pillow with my tears.”  (Ps. 6: 3,4,6 TPT)

With David, I silently scream out to God…”HOW LONG?!”  and I wonder how much more I can take before the final break, the one that does me in.  Like Jesus did out loud, I silently scream “Why have You forsaken me?”.  I tell myself, and Him, this was not how it was supposed to be! I want to be rescued out of this nightmare I am living in.  Graham Cooke says a profound thing…” what God could prevent by His power, He allows in His wisdom”.  Not something that you want to hear when you are trapped between a rock and a hard place.  Truth be told, the purpose of our pain is for us to discover something about the character of God that we can learn in no other way.

As I am capturing my thoughts, I am suddenly reminded of my youngest at six weeks old.  He suddenly and unexpectedly developed colic.  From six o’clock to ten o’clock each evening he would be in terrible pain.  We soon settled into a routine of sorts.  Just before six I would administer medicine prescribed by the doctor, I would get myself a glass of water and settle into grandma’s rocking chair, while mentality preparing for the onslaught that was soon to follow.  How a tiny little boy could generate so much noise escapes me!

The cramps would start and the battle began.  I would hold his little body very tight, pressing his cramping stomach into my chest, hoping my body heat would ease some of the pain.  I would rub his back and speak soothingly into his little ear, hoping he would find some comfort knowing mummy was right there, feeling every cramp in her heart.  He didn’t seem to have any awareness of my presence as he screamed and fought.  He would flail his little arms, pump his tiny legs and squirm, trying to get away, indignant and deeply offended at the whole world, it seemed.  Eventually we would both be drenched in sweat, him from fighting the pain, me from sitting in it with him.  Then, suddenly, he would relax, the wailing would turn to little sobs, he would allow himself to be comforted and eventually he would fall asleep, totally spent.

Isn’t that just what we do when our pain becomes overwhelming?  We become indignant at the unfairness of it all.  We squirm, we wail, we fight.  The world becomes small, a very lonely place.  It’s just us and our pain.  It is not until we have spent every last drop of energy, when we come to the place where we throw our arms in the air and scream at Him “I.Give.Up‼”” that we become aware that we are held.

It’s when you stop fighting it, Him, and you allow yourself to relax into it, that you feel His everlasting arms cradling you.  It’s when you stop screaming out your frustration and distress, that you become aware of His heartbeat, when you hear and feel the rhythm of His breath and you inhale His fragrance.  His voice is in your ear, where it’s been all along and the words are loving, soothing, calming – a balm to your troubled soul.  That’s when it dawns on you that He’s been there all along.  He has never forsaken you.

Father God has a mother’s heart beating in His chest.  He nurtures, comforts and loves like only a mother can.  He is comfortable sitting with us in our pain, soothing us with His love.  David says, in Psalm 7, verse 10a “God, your wrap-around presence is my protection, and my defense”. His wrap-around presence…I like that…the thought of Him, wrapping Himself around me in my darkest hour, insulating me from harm.  It’s when we surrender to His arms holding us, when we allow Him to cradle us that our sweaty, worn-out bodies and our troubled souls find rest.  Jesus promised us peace that goes beyond human understanding…this is where we discover what that feels like.

Somehow, we bought into a terrible lie…that we must battle.  We employ every strategy that seemed to work in the season before or we surrender to the pain and sink into a pit of despair.  Either way, it does not work.  We add another burden on our weary soul…we tell ourselves to just do something…pray more, fast longer, try to worship through clenched teeth or curl up in a ball in the furthest corner of the room.

It was while I was having a panic attack (yup, totally hyperventilating) over just such a burden – to pray more – put on me by a well-meaning friend, that I heard Father speak.  “If you serve a god that puts a burden on you when you are in crises, you need another God”, He said.  I did.  I needed to rediscover a Father with a mother’s heart.  I decided to let go, to allow myself to be held and suddenly, as I became aware of Him, the pain started to lift.  I felt it…Peace.

Six o’clock will come again, for me, for you.  We will feel the sting, and it will hurt and we will have those moments where all seems lost.  But so will ten o’clock come again…where we are intimately aware of His wrap-around presence, our safe place…. held inside the mother’s heart of El Shaddai…the all-breasted One.

God’s Message:

“I’ll pour robust well-being into her like a river,
    the glory of nations like a river in flood.
You’ll nurse at her breasts,
    nestle in her bosom,
    and be bounced on her knees.
As a mother comforts her child,
    so I’ll comfort you.
    You will be comforted in Jerusalem.”

Isaiah 66:12, 13 MSG