There is the truth: Blessed – lucky – are those who cry.  Blessed are those who are sad, who mourn, who feel the loss of what they love – because they will be held by the One who loves them.  There is a strange and aching happiness only the hurting know – for they shall be held.                                                           Ann Voskamp, The Broken Way

Don’t.Touch.Me!  I was many hours into a difficult lab our and the kind nurse was offering me the only comfort she could afford…to rub my aching back.  How was she to know I am one of those odd ducks who shy away from touch when I am in pain?  I have spent my life avoiding people when I hurt, I have perfected isolating my aching self into a fine art.  Just the other day, a friend wanting to comfort me with a hug, had to chase me around the room, finally trapping me in a corner before she could wrap her arms around me.  It would have been hilarious, had it not been so tragic.

I read the words written by Ann Voskamp and I weep on the inside.  I weep for the broken girl, still too terrified to allow herself to be held, the little girl desperately uncomfortable when she’s told she is loved.  When we are tired, broken, aching and falling apart, the Father wants to do nothing more than hold us.  Jesus speaks an invitation to a broken and overburdened humanity in The gospel of Matthew, chapter 11.  “So everyone, come to me!  Are you weary, carrying a heavy burden?  The come to me.  I will refresh your life, for I am your oasis.  Simply join your life with mine.  Learn my ways and you’ll discover that I’m gentle, humble, easy to please.  You will find refreshment and rest in me.  For all that I require of you will be pleasant and easy to bear.”  (verses 28 -30 TPT)

I hear Him speak, yet I still struggle.  I writhe, I wriggle, I strain to break free from the loving arms that want nothing more than to hold me until it hurts no more.  I read the Psalms over and over and I identify with King David when he cries out to God “How long until you take away this pain in my body and in my soul?  Lord, I’m trembling in fear!  Turn back death from my door and deliver my life because I know you love and desire me as your very own.  I’m so exhausted and worn-out with my weeping.  I endure weary, sleepless nights filled with moaning, soaking my pillow with my tears.”  (Ps. 6: 3,4,6 TPT)

With David, I silently scream out to God…”HOW LONG?!”  and I wonder how much more I can take before the final break, the one that does me in.  Like Jesus did out loud, I silently scream “Why have You forsaken me?”.  I tell myself, and Him, this was not how it was supposed to be! I want to be rescued out of this nightmare I am living in.  Graham Cooke says a profound thing…” what God could prevent by His power, He allows in His wisdom”.  Not something that you want to hear when you are trapped between a rock and a hard place.  Truth be told, the purpose of our pain is for us to discover something about the character of God that we can learn in no other way.

As I am capturing my thoughts, I am suddenly reminded of my youngest at six weeks old.  He suddenly and unexpectedly developed colic.  From six o’clock to ten o’clock each evening he would be in terrible pain.  We soon settled into a routine of sorts.  Just before six I would administer medicine prescribed by the doctor, I would get myself a glass of water and settle into grandma’s rocking chair, while mentality preparing for the onslaught that was soon to follow.  How a tiny little boy could generate so much noise escapes me!

The cramps would start and the battle began.  I would hold his little body very tight, pressing his cramping stomach into my chest, hoping my body heat would ease some of the pain.  I would rub his back and speak soothingly into his little ear, hoping he would find some comfort knowing mummy was right there, feeling every cramp in her heart.  He didn’t seem to have any awareness of my presence as he screamed and fought.  He would flail his little arms, pump his tiny legs and squirm, trying to get away, indignant and deeply offended at the whole world, it seemed.  Eventually we would both be drenched in sweat, him from fighting the pain, me from sitting in it with him.  Then, suddenly, he would relax, the wailing would turn to little sobs, he would allow himself to be comforted and eventually he would fall asleep, totally spent.

Isn’t that just what we do when our pain becomes overwhelming?  We become indignant at the unfairness of it all.  We squirm, we wail, we fight.  The world becomes small, a very lonely place.  It’s just us and our pain.  It is not until we have spent every last drop of energy, when we come to the place where we throw our arms in the air and scream at Him “I.Give.Up‼”” that we become aware that we are held.

It’s when you stop fighting it, Him, and you allow yourself to relax into it, that you feel His everlasting arms cradling you.  It’s when you stop screaming out your frustration and distress, that you become aware of His heartbeat, when you hear and feel the rhythm of His breath and you inhale His fragrance.  His voice is in your ear, where it’s been all along and the words are loving, soothing, calming – a balm to your troubled soul.  That’s when it dawns on you that He’s been there all along.  He has never forsaken you.

Father God has a mother’s heart beating in His chest.  He nurtures, comforts and loves like only a mother can.  He is comfortable sitting with us in our pain, soothing us with His love.  David says, in Psalm 7, verse 10a “God, your wrap-around presence is my protection, and my defense”. His wrap-around presence…I like that…the thought of Him, wrapping Himself around me in my darkest hour, insulating me from harm.  It’s when we surrender to His arms holding us, when we allow Him to cradle us that our sweaty, worn-out bodies and our troubled souls find rest.  Jesus promised us peace that goes beyond human understanding…this is where we discover what that feels like.

Somehow, we bought into a terrible lie…that we must battle.  We employ every strategy that seemed to work in the season before or we surrender to the pain and sink into a pit of despair.  Either way, it does not work.  We add another burden on our weary soul…we tell ourselves to just do something…pray more, fast longer, try to worship through clenched teeth or curl up in a ball in the furthest corner of the room.

It was while I was having a panic attack (yup, totally hyperventilating) over just such a burden – to pray more – put on me by a well-meaning friend, that I heard Father speak.  “If you serve a god that puts a burden on you when you are in crises, you need another God”, He said.  I did.  I needed to rediscover a Father with a mother’s heart.  I decided to let go, to allow myself to be held and suddenly, as I became aware of Him, the pain started to lift.  I felt it…Peace.

Six o’clock will come again, for me, for you.  We will feel the sting, and it will hurt and we will have those moments where all seems lost.  But so will ten o’clock come again…where we are intimately aware of His wrap-around presence, our safe place…. held inside the mother’s heart of El Shaddai…the all-breasted One.

God’s Message:

“I’ll pour robust well-being into her like a river,
    the glory of nations like a river in flood.
You’ll nurse at her breasts,
    nestle in her bosom,
    and be bounced on her knees.
As a mother comforts her child,
    so I’ll comfort you.
    You will be comforted in Jerusalem.”

Isaiah 66:12, 13 MSG

There’s an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth:

A right time for birth and another for death,
A right time to plant and another to reap,
A right time to kill and another to heal,
A right time to destroy and another to construct,
A right time to cry and another to laugh,
A right time to lament and another to cheer,
A right time to make love and another to abstain,
A right time to embrace and another to part,
A right time to search and another to count your losses,
A right time to hold on and another to let go,
A right time to rip out and another to mend,
A right time to shut up and another to speak up,
A right time to love and another to hate,
A right time to wage war and another to make peace.

¹⁴ I’ve also concluded that whatever God does, that’s the way it’s going to be, always. No addition, no subtraction. God’s done it and that’s it. That’s so we’ll quit asking questions and simply worship in holy fear.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, 14 (MSG)

I am not a great fan of war movies (Warhorse being the exception, but that’s a story for another time), in fact, I have been known to leave the boys in the movie theater, buy a magazine, order a very tall latte and wait it out in the nearest café.  I have seen enough though, to know that the hero is usually the guy who pulls the wounded comrade out of the line of fire and covers him with gunfire until help arrives.

To me it makes perfect sense that a wounded soldier has no business being on the battlefield, hence the medics, or in their absence, the emergency medical supplies and survival training that accompanies every soldier sent into battle.  Yet the Christian army seems somewhat under-prepared for this eventuality.  If we take in consideration Jesus’ promise that “In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties” (John 16:33 MSG) or as some translations say “you will have troubles/sorrows”, we should probably apply ourselves and learn how to sit with someone in their pain.  Our walk with Jesus will include seasons where we are at rest, dancing on the mountain top, but also those unavoidable times where we are actively engaged on the battlefield and those horrible valleys when we need to be nurtured in hospital, sometimes even being in need of intensive care.

The apostle Paul encourages us in Romans 12:15 to “rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep” …easy when there’s a celebration going on, but extremely hard when we have to enter into someone else’s grief.  Paul also says in his letter to the Hebrews “remember those in prison as if you were bound with them, and those who are mistreated as if you were suffering with them.  (Hebr. 13:3) Job says this: “have I not wept for the ones whose life is hard?  Was not my soul grieved for the needy? ((Job 30:25)

Grief and suffering is a prison and the people bound there are often times being mistreated…by the enemy with lies and shame, by well-meaning, but misguided Christian brothers and sisters or simply by their own pain and isolation.  They are the needy, in short supply of love, compassion and companionship.  I cringe as I recall all the dumb things I have said to those going through trauma and grief.  I know my heart was in the right place and that I was speaking truth into their lives, but my timing was seriously off and I desperately needed to be educated.  I suspect I am not the only one, so I prayerfully meditated on what someone going through a trial, suffering trauma and going through a season of mourning and grieving would say to us, could they write us a letter.  I want to share some thoughts…

Dear friend, thank you for your willingness to be a part of my journey.  You are welcome here, but I want to warn you it won’t be pleasant, so get comfortable with being uncomfortable and with feeling inadequate.  You are, and that is perfectly okay right now.  I release you from having to fix the problem, or me.  I release you from the need to offer me wisdom or the perfect solution.  I want to use a line from those cop movies you like to watch…”cover me, I’m going in!”.  That’s your cue to start praying!

I am now ready to do the hard work of grieving my losses and I know it’s going to be hard for you to watch, but until further notice, just watch.  I don’t sleep much and I look terrible.  My eyes are swollen from weeping, my hair is a mess, my legs need shaving and the paint on my toenails are chipped.  I know, but the truth is, I am using every ounce of energy to breathe right now.  If you want to do something awesome, come over, bring a large coffee and the biggest slice of cake.  While you are here, feel free to paint my toes, or blow-dry my hair, just don’t ask me to go out.  I feel vulnerable and naked and I need the safety of my walls right now.  Maybe you can just take my kids away…let them have some fun, get some sunshine and breathe some lighter air.  They need it and I don’t have the strength to be there.  Did I mention for you to bring cake?

I know you love Jesus and so do I, but honestly, I don’t have the words to pray and the energy to worship.  You reminding me to do those things, suggesting that it will ease my pain and be a quick-fix, is like rubbing salt in my wounds.  I know I need to do those things, I want to do those things, I am beating myself up for neglecting my spiritual disciplines, but right now I need to be reminded of the Father that runs to me, scoops me up and holds me tight.  You will really help me if you could find a way to lead me into His presence and just sit with me there.  While I am on the topic of faith, may I respectfully ask you not to be pontifical about the topic of forgiveness when I have suffered trauma and my grief is as a result of sin committed against me.  I know the Word, I want to forgive, but truth be told, unless I grieve and allow the process to run its full course, my forgiveness will be superficial, insufficient and will allow a bitter root to grow in my heart.

The best thing you can do for me is to encourage and enable me to grieve well.  It’s hard work and I will want to give up, go into denial or medicate myself.  Don’t let me do that.  Make room for my tears, encourage them even and feel free to cry with me.  Know that if I do it well and if I am thorough it will be so much easier for me to come to a place of peace and forgiveness.  Trust the Lord to do the work in me and pray for me to come to a place of complete healing, surrender and forgiveness…where I cannot hear you.  Please don’t judge my pain, it’s unique to me.  You might have suffered more, longer and worse, but my pain is mine and you minimizing it won’t help me heal any faster.

As I mentioned the temptation of medicating myself, something else comes to mind.  Please don’t suggest that I take sleeping tablets, this or that brand of anti-depressants etc.  Allow me to make that decision with my counselor or doctor and if I should decide that I need medication for a season and you don’t agree with that course of action, don’t judge me for it.  I am still an adult, messy and broken, and acting crazy sometimes, but still in need of common courtesy.

Please be gracious with me when I am messy, when I rant, when I cry, when I vent or sulk.  It’s all a part of the process I have committed myself to and it’s hard work.  I know I might let my social airs and graces slip, so don’t take it personally.  It’s not you, it’s me.  I will make it up to you, promise.  Nehemiah has a great line that I would like to borrow.  He was on the wall, building, when his enemies wanted him to come down and have a “meeting”.  He says to them “I am not coming down from here, for I am doing a great work”.  I want to remind you (so that you can remind me and encourage me to keep going) that I am doing a great work, a hard  but altogether necessary thing.  I want to be whole, healthy and restored and this is the only way.  Remind me often that Jesus is doing a deep work in me and that He won’t stop until it is complete because I will get tired, discouraged and tempted to give up.  I will doubt myself and my faith will wane. Love me in that place and remind me that I am loved by Him.

So, my friend, welcome to my world. I love you enough to allow you to see me in my most vulnerable state. Feel free to come as often as you want, stay as long as you can, and bring Kleenex.

If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.  Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. 

1 Corinthians 12:26

As I read Amanda’s contribution for September, I am amazed how Holy Spirit is reinforcing this message through various avenues.  I worked through John Bevere’s curriculum “Good or God?” which is a similar message and just yesterday my pastor shared a message about God not just opening doors, but also closing doors, in order to protect us from exactly this…Trojan Horses… designed to distract, blind-side and derail us.  Let us be vigilant and prayerful, as we negotiate the perilous times we are living in.  Be blessed!

Trojan Horse, by Amanda Byliefeldt

This month’s blog came into being because of a word I received in my Spirit, early one morning. The phrase “Trojan Horse” just popped into my spirit.  I had no reason to consciously think of this, so I wrote it down, to meditate on it.

My understanding about this phrase “Trojan Horse” started to grow. This word was more prophetic than it was about the history of it. What follows is not a feel-good and fuzzy message. I discerned that this is a NOW word, a word of guidance to the body of Christ. It is a call to action and alertness.

Let’s consider the history of the Trojan Horse:

Most of you probably know the history of the Trojan Horse. Here is just a short recap, for those who are unfamiliar with it. 

The Greeks were at war with Troy (City) and in order to win the war they needed to overpower the city of Troy. Unable to breech the city wall, the Greek army came up with a plan to build a huge wooden horse, large enough to house some troops on the inside. They would present the Horse to the people of Troy as a “victory prize” and when they least expect it, they would then attack from inside the walls of the city. The Greeks pretended to retreat, by sailing away.  The Trojans opened the gate and received the gift, oblivious to what they invited into their city. 

The ships that sailed away during the day returned during the dark hours of the night, the Greek soldiers inside the horse got out and opened the gate for the Greek army.  The city’s defences was breeched from the inside.

The first weakness in the Trojans strategy was that they were only looking to the natural – in other words, they only considered what they could perceive with their natural eyes. They became short- sighted and only saw what their enemy wanted them to see.

Their second weakness was that they trusted their enemy because of the “gift” that was presented to them.

Golden Rule number 1:  NEVER trust the enemy…Trust ONLY in God.  God is faithful and true. He is not a man who would lie. Numbers 23:19

Our fight is not against flesh and blood; this is made clear in the Word of God (Ephesians 6:12). We have a different fight on our hands, against an enemy that is unseen and that loves to lie, steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10).

First, I need to break down the Prophetic Symbolic layers of the Trojan Horse as I received it from the Holy Spirit:

The city of Troy symbolizes our lives and our minds.

The Greek army symbolizes the enemy; Satan and his fallen angels.

The Horse symbolizes those things that look good on the surface, but are rotten to the chore.

The Trojans had watchmen on the walls and they did see the enemy retreat, but they were not discerning the eminent danger that was lurking. They trusted in what they saw. They were not ready or prepared to be invaded in a cunning way like this.

We are called to have watchmen on the walls. Firstly, to watch for the Bridegroom, returning for HIS bride. Secondly, we need to be watchmen on the walls to warn of approaching danger, just like we read in Ezekiel 33.  We need to sound the trumpet to warn the body of Christ of approaching danger.  Those who disregard the warning do so out of their own will. We are given free will, free choice.

We need to take a new look at 1 Peter 5:8 “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.”  If we are not sober and vigilant, we will be caught by the enemy. Our discernment may be questionable, but it is definitely one of the most important gifts to have in the times that we live in. Our spiritual awareness needs to be sharp, we need to be wise and well prepared.

We know that the enemy is always cunning in his ways. He will do anything to lie to, steal from, kill and destroy the sons and daughters of the Most High God. He will keep you busy, in order for you to be so absorbed with the flesh or the world, that you miss the opportunities to get ready, like Jesus instructed.

Jesus taught the people through a parable to be wise; to be ready and prepared.  Read: Matthew 25:1-13 about the parable of the 10 virgins. Five virgins were ready and waiting, they were well prepared. Five virgins lacked preparation.

 Benjamin Franklin said: “By failing to prepare, you preparing to fail.” 

How do we prepare as Sons or Daughters?  We need to read the Word of God and spend more intimate time with Father God. We need to know HIS voice. Spending those precious moments with Father God enables our discernment to be sharpened, so that we would be able to detect the enemy. Spending time in the presence of God, seeking HIS face and HIS plan, will make us confident and courageous.

If we are sober, alert and well prepared, we will notice more than the natural, more than what is right in front of us. We tend to look at the natural and we tend to make decisions based on what we see, instead of being Holy Spirit led. (2 Corinthians 5:7 “for we live by faith and not by sight”).

We often ignore our God-given gift of Discernment. The Word of God teaches us that there is a constant conflict between the flesh and the natural and that which is of the Spirit. Galatians 5:17 “For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want”. What we need to do is tune out the flesh and tune into the Spirit, so that we can perceive that which is good and of God.

The enemy has tried multiple times to disarm my discernment through doubt and I am pretty sure that you can attest to that.  We start to doubt our discernment and then we fail to detect the enemy on our “discernment radar”. When we fail to detect him, we allow him access. Just like the Trojans accepted the gift – the Horse – and then was overcome by their enemy the Greeks, likewise we accept those things that is put in front of us as a “gift”, without discerning the origin of the “gift”.

The Trojan Horse symbolizes anything that looks good on the outside, but has bad fruit.  This could even be someone who pretend to be your friend or someone who is “good” on the surface, pretending to be godly, but their fruit is bad. The Word of God says that a good tree cannot produce bad fruit (Matthew 7:18). Even a television program that you love to watch or a movie can become a Trojan Horse, a means of opening yourself up to attack. We open our minds to receive things that are not of God, because we lack good and sharp discernment. We invite those things into our lives before we truly discerned its origin.  We don’t look at the fruit of it, and we open ourselves to it.  When it is inside the walls (mind) and the enemy attack, we are dumbstruck, not knowing where the enemy came from or how it happened. We live our lives unprepared and we unknowingly invite the enemy in because of our lack of discernment and because we are spiritually dull.

We are now living in a time such is this, where we need to have our discernment sharpened every day, by spending more time in the Word of God.  We need more intimacy with Father God and we surely need more guidance from Holy Spirit.  We need to hear the Shepherd’s voice, calling us. We cannot go through this world by just coasting along, hoping to make it to the end.

You were born for such a time as this… arise to fight the good fight.  Arise and be vigilant.  Arise and be a watchman. Arise with a sharpened discernment.

Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the LORD rises upon you.       Isaiah 60:1

 Pray this prayer if you lack discernment:

Father God, I come to You today.  I lay myself down at Your feet and humbly come into YOUR presence. Lord, I have a need and YOUR word says that YOU will meet all my needs. My need Lord, is to have a more sharpened discernment, I need my ears to hear what YOU want me to hear and my eyes to see what YOU want me to see. Father, I believe in YOUR SON Jesus Christ who overcame this world and all I have to do is receive it and live it. Help me to trust the gift of discernment I have received from YOU. Help me to keep it sharp so that I will be able to use it accordingly. Help me to be wise, vigilant and sober. Help me through YOUR Spirit to bring Glory to YOUR name.  Blowing the trumpets to warn my brothers and sisters in Christ. In Jesus Mighty Name I pray. Amein.

Daily we are bombarded with messages telling us we are not enough. The media, social media, even the members of our own household send the same message…you are not enough. Everyone has become a critic, an armchair expert. We measure and we weigh, we are measured and we are weighed and the conclusion is usually the same…too light, Just. Not. Enough.

Husbands and wives, parents and children, employer and employee, we have all become consumers, feeling justified in our expectations of having our needs met by the people in our world. Women tell themselves that the right husband will meet their needs in every way – they will be loved, cherished, honored, valued and made to feel like a princess. They marry Prince Charming, only to be disillusioned when they realize he does not measure up, he too, is broken and flawed…he’s not enough.

Men believe the right woman will solve all his problems and he works hard to find just the right one for him, testing and discarding many “samples” in the process. The perfect one will look like a film queen, perform like a porn star, care like a nurse and cook like his mother, he tells himself. Once the novelty wears off and reality sets in, the disappointment becomes apparent and the message to her is exactly the same….you just don’t make the grade, you are not enough.  And so the desperate search to find the perfect one, the one who will meet every unmet need, is back on.  Behind us is a wide trail of heartache, pain, disappointment, disillusionment, paved with crushed hopes and dreams.

This pernicious and nefarious mindset has also firmly established itself in the life of the church. “If the worship team only…”, “if the pastor could just…”,  “if the children’s church was more…” – you fill in the blanks. Christians migrate from church, to church, to church, always sampling the wares, always reaching the same conclusion….good, but Just. Not. Enough.

So we strive harder, we lie better and we pretend more, because we don’t want to fall short, we want to measure up. We will do whatever it takes just to be enough. We swallow the lie of the enemy hook, line, sinker and even the whole fishing rod. We believe that if we can just be enough for him/her/them, we would be loved, accepted, valued, wanted. If I’m enough, then they will be enough.

I have been on this merry-go-round far too long, forever comparing, forever striving, never feeling that I measured up to expectation. I worked harder, faster, longer, forever hoping to reach the bar, ignoring the fact that the bar was forever rising, always just out of reach.  I heard that condemning voice from every direction and I fought with all my might to prove it wrong. Not anymore. I am in full agreement with it now…I am not enough. The truth is that I am not enough and the truth has indeed set me free.

It is right and proper that I am not enough, not as wife, as parent, as friend, as daughter, as sister and definitely not as Christian. The burden I carried for so long is lifting as this truth settles itself deep in my spirit. If I was enough for my husband, I would be his idol. If I was enough for my sons, they would never had to search for a perfect Father. Me being enough would make Father, Son and Holy Spirit redundant….there would be no need for a Savior, I would be out, rescuing the world. So would you. But we’re not enough, so we look to the One who is.

How absolutely liberating to be able to say to someone:  “I don’t have what you need, I am not enough for you,  my wisdom is lacking and my comfort is feeble, but…my God will liberally supply (fill until full) your every need according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. (Phil. 4:19 AMP)

It’s only when we make peace with our own incompetence that we can relax, breath and allow God to be God.  “Yet we don’t see ourselves as capable enough to do anything in our own strength, for our true competence flows from God’s empowering presence” 2 Cor. 3:5 TPT

How I pray that every time the enemy tries to clobber us with this, we would, like Paul did, hear the Lord say “My grace is always more than enough for you, and my power finds it’s full expression through your weakness”. ( 2 Cor. 12:9aTPT).  May we all reach a point where we are comfortable with confessing that we are not enough, and see the revelation of our incompetence as the greatest blessing Father bestowed on us. We are not enough and we don’t have to be. The only burden on us is to point those who are in need to the One who is more than enough, more than willing and more than able to do what we can never do. So, dear heart, celebrate! You are not enough and it’s wonderful!

First Mission – Cambodia 2016

By Amanda Byliefeldt

I thought it would be appropriate to pen down my very first experience on a missions trip.  I was so blessed to be invited along with Pastor Nicky of Ignite Ministries, on a trip to Cambodia. I will ever be thankful to God and Ignite Ministries for this life changing opportunity. I will mostly share on my experience as a first timer and leave all the testimonies and miracles for next month’s blog.

I was invited a few months ago. At first I was unable to go, but then God made a way so that I could. Nicky had already asked Pastor Petro to join the trip and the two of them bought their tickets.  Then, a few months later, God made a way for me to go with them. I was offered a place on the team and after talking to my husband, I accepted it. My ticket was booked months after theirs, but on every flight my seat next to them was still open. We never got separated…how amazing is that?

I did not know what to expect from this missions trip. I had no previous experience of missions. God comforted me by reminding me that moving from South Africa to Australia was also part of a missions trip, so I was comforted, but still nervous. I never thought of myself as a missionary. How wrong was I?

As the day of our departure drew close, I felt so uncertain and nervous, not knowing what to expect. I was uncertain of what to pack and what to leave behind.  What would be important and what would be just a waste to take? I was worried about leaving my family behind; my two sons and husband would have to survive without me.

We had been interceding for the trip for weeks…followed by five days of prayer and fasting just before we left.  God revealed to us that He was doing something new. These words: “I am doing something new” came up a lot, so I started my journey knowing with my “knower” that I will not return the same. When the ONE and only God of the Universe shares with you that HE is doing a new thing you better start believing it and He will start with you first.

I had to drive the seven hours to Perth on the Friday to catch the plane with them the next day, Saturday. I was worshiping all the way, with loud music, just praising God for this amazing opportunity. We left on the Saturday evening and when we arrived at the airport we started to giggling like little school girls. The joy of the Lord was just so present from the beginning.

We arrived in Singapore and had a nine hour lay-over. What would have been a very boring and long lay-over, changed into a time of sharing and more laughter.  God just poured out His joy over us in an abundance fashion, which is just like our Daddy Yhwh – everything in abundance.

We arrived in Cambodia on the Sunday morning. The weather was warm and humid. The joy of the Lord has not left us, we were still chirpy and fresh, as if we only traveled for a few hours.  We had a very limited amount of sleep during our journey, but God sustained us all the way, by filling us with that abundance of joy.

The three of us shared a room with three beds. Under normal circumstances we would probably fell over each other’s feet, but this was different. There was a unity…we worked as if we were one.

After arriving at the hotel, we unpacked and then we worshiped and prayed to rid the room of any unwanted spiritual visitors. For lack of space, Nicky, with her flags, worshiped on her bed and I grabbed the little space in-front of my bed to worship with my flags.  Petro (who is like a jukebox…a song for every occasion) worshiped, also standing on her bed.

We were in a country that is so full of idols, but still the spiritual atmosphere did not feel as heavy as I thought it would.  I did not feel oppression or depression in any way or form, which I thought was interesting, because where I come from, the atmosphere is heavy. Our nation does not have all these visible idols, like Buddha statues and temples on every corner, in every shop, which probably amount to thousands of idols.

There was a power that moved with us.  Everywhere we went, we were so aware of the presence of Holy Spirit around us. The joy of the Lord did not leave us, we carried it everywhere.  People would stop and look at us with a smile on their faces. I can only guess what they were thinking…

On the Monday morning we met  the new students of Arrows School of Ministry. We saw very reserved students.  They were shy and maybe even scared of these three very “crazy” ladies that came to teach them. The worship was very reserved.  No flags and almost no voices. We did what we do best…we worshiped. God started revealing to us that He was going to break down the walls that was keeping them from stepping out…HE did in a mighty way.

I experienced the traditional Cambodian way of eating for the first time.  A table cloth was laid on the floor, with the food put in the center and everyone sitting down on the floor, eating traditional Cambodian food. For someone that is very fussy when it comes to food, it was sometimes very challenging to eat the traditional food.  I am not a lover of chilies and almost everything is spicy (Cambodians eat chillie as if it is just another vegetable). I am fanning my mouth even thinking of it.

I tried various other foods, like frog and quail. Various fruits were on the menu, which I mostly liked.  The strangest fruit I tasted was the Snake Fruit, which I felt very reluctant to bite into, but was surprisingly good.  Dragon fruit was one of my favorite fruits, I could easily eat that regularly. The most surprising fruit, which I would probably never eat again, is durian.  People who are familiar with it, know that it has a very pungent smell, which is hard to describe.  I am convinced that I do not have an Asian pallet and taste-buds (said with much respect). For most Cambodians this is a favorite fruit. My feeling about durian is: “Been there, done that, got the t-shirt and burned it”.

The hardest part of the whole trip was a visit to a slum area.  My heart was just broken, shattered for the people who had lost everything in a fire, yet had smiles on their faces. I had to bite my lip to keep me from crying in compassion…needless to say, it didn’t work. It was so noticeable, even though they have so little, that they still had HOPE and that hope made a difference. We took some clothes to give to them. Among the clothes were underwear for the children. The boys immediately ran off to their shelters and stripped their clothes and came running back, showing off the new underpants, they didn’t care as much about the T-shirts and pants, the underpants were gold.  The joy on their faces for receiving these small gifts warmed our hearts.

We also spend some time in a beauty salon. Who would think that we would visit a beauty salon on a missions trip?  But this was no ordinary beauty salon.  The salon is run by Christian missionaries, who operate this salon, called Hands of Hope. The aim is to get young, at-risk girls off the streets, so that they do not become a statistic of falling prey to human trafficking. The girls are offered accommodation, education and has the opportunity to learn to cut, color and style hair, give massages and to do manicures and pedicures, among other things. There is also a cafe, run by the girls.  The money you pay for the service in this salon goes toward supporting these girls. It gripped my heart knowing that these girls were saved from the streets and saved from human trafficking. While the beautiful Cambodian girl was massaging my feet, I was praying blessings over her and as her face captured my heart, I meditated on how she captured the heart of Jesus.

I returned to Australia with a feeling (actually it’s more a knowing) that I would never be the same again. I was stretched beyond anything I have ever experienced before.  If I were a tent…my tent pens would be so wide, that the tent would be flat on the ground. I was so humbled through this experience. I have learned more about our God, and how amazing He is.  The things I have seen and experienced with God, through the Holy Spirit, changed me forever.

I have seen the Trinity (Father God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit) in action more than ever before, I saw Holy Spirit move more powerfully than ever before and I felt Jesus’ love in a new, touching way; more than ever before. I have experience angels helping us on more than one occasion. I have seen the transformation in the students at ASOM, reserved and shy in the beginning and then  on fire for God, unreserved and open to whatever God wants, ready to step out of their comfort zones.

By the last day I have already decided that I will go again, God willing. I love the Cambodian people, their positivity and their loving nature. Because of this experience, I vow to seek the positive in every situation and most of all, I will seek God in everything.

I have learned more about unity…we were three ladies, all with different gifts and anointing, yet we operated as one. Petro reminded us often that “where there is unity, God commands His blessing” and these words will stay with me always.

Pain, suffering, wounds, betrayal, anguish…all part and parcel of the life we live in our mortal form.  Jesus Christ, (Messiah, Son of God, the Name above all Names, the Word made Flesh, the Rose of Sharon, the Bright and Morning Star, the Alpha, the Omega, the Light of the World-Jesus) suffered.  He suffered pain, He was wounded, He was shunned, betrayed, humiliated….yet we feel indignant when God, who did not spare Himself, in His supreme wisdom, allows seasons of suffering in our lives.

I thought about this and remembered Jesus in the garden, praying, “Let this cup pass me by” and then the surrender…”Your will be done”. How was He able to surrender so fully?  I realized that if I could discover the secret, I would find the key to negotiate my own seasons of suffering well. I believe the secret lies in trust.

One online dictionary defines trust as “A firm belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of someone or something” and Merriam-Webster defines it as

1.  Assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something
2. Dependence on something future or contingent:  HOPE
3. CARE, CUSTODY as in “the child is committed to his trust”.

Some synonyms are: confidence, belief, faith, certainty, assurance, conviction, credence and reliance.

Jesus knew exactly Who to place His trust in.  We, on the other hand, are often quite deceived.  The prophet Jeremiah tells us that our “”heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick” and nowhere does the evidence become clearer than during seasons of hardship and suffering. When we are betrayed by people we are in relationship with, we leave the relationship, regardless of the consequence to ourselves or others.  Marriages, friendships, professional relationships, even family ties are severed because we cannot trust people.  When we are ill, we place our trust in science, doctors, medicine and when we are in need, we trust in our riches,  our investments, our employers and even our governments (sometimes made up of the most ungodly, self-serving humans alive) to save us.  Grossly misplaced trust, if you ask me, yet trust/faith/hope nevertheless.

God has always known this and He filled the Word with direction, instruction and promises regarding trusting in Him alone.  Everyone has faith, we were simply made that way.  Humanists put their faith in people, atheists put their trust science and/or themselves, Hindus, Buddhists etc. put their faith in demon gods – everyone trust someone or something.

In 2 Samuel 7 we see God’s response to David’s greatest dream, or ambition, expressed.   David wants to build God a house, which would also be David’s legacy, something left standing after he was gone.  God’s response? A resounding “”no!”.  I love David’s response in v. 28.  He says: “And now, O Lord God, You are God, and Your words are truth, and You have promised this good thing to Your servant.” (AMP) Even when God dashes David’s hopes and dreams, he puts his trust in God’s promises.

In the Psalms we also read David’s response to injustice, pain, suffering and seasons of fear:

And those who know Your name [who have experienced Your precious mercy] will put their confident trust in You, For You, O Lord, have not abandoned those who seek You.  (Psalm 9:10 AMP)

But I have trusted and relied on and been confident in Your loving-kindness and faithfulness; My heart shall rejoice and delight in Your salvation.  (Psalm 13:5 AMP)

When I am afraid, I will put my trust and faith in You. (Psalm 56:3 AMP)

How do we read these scriptures and say “Amen” without trials?  How do we discover that God is faithful and does not abandon us, if we never encounter suffering?  I know from experience that it is impossible to discover certain aspects of God’s character outside of dark seasons, yet He wants us to know Him intimately, as we are known intimately.

God, through the Word, warns us that we are in imminent danger of trusting in many things; money, human wisdom, ourselves, science, education…among many things, rather than placing implicit trust in Him alone.  Let me remind you of some scriptures:

Trust in and rely confidently on the Lord with all your heart and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways know and acknowledge and recognize Him, And He will make your paths straight and smooth [removing obstacles that block your way]. (Proverbs 3:5,6 AMP)

He who leans on and trusts in and is confident in his riches will fall, but the righteous [who trust in God’s provision] will flourish like a green leaf.  (Proverbs 11:28 AMP)

People will always disappoint us, betray us, wound us…as we will them…but God is always good, always faithful, all-sufficient and more than enough for every need that we have.  Let us examine our hearts today and ask Holy Spirit to discern the deepest, darkest parts thereof.  Are we guilty of misplaced trust?  Have we forgotten what Jesus said?  “Do not let your heart be troubled (afraid, cowardly). Believe [confidently] in God and trust in Him, [have faith, hold on to it, rely on it, keep going and] believe also in Me.”  (John 14:1 AMP)

Let us pray and bless one another with the words of Paul: “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing [through the experience of your faith] that by the power of the Holy Spirit you will abound in hope and overflow with confidence in His promises.” (Romans 15:13 AMP) and as you do, allow me to encourage you, as I encourage myself, with these words:  “⁵ And He who sits on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also He said, “Write, for these words are faithful and true [they are accurate, incorruptible, and trustworthy].” ⁶ And He said to me, “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the one who thirsts I will give [water] from the fountain of the water of life without cost. ⁷ He who overcomes [the world by adhering faithfully to Christ Jesus as Lord and Savior] will inherit these things, and I will be his God and he will be My son.” (Revelation 21:5 – & AMP)

As I read Amanda’s blog 1 Chronicles 21:24 came to mind.  King David wants to buy a threshing floor and an animal to bring an offering to God, but Ornan won’t accept the money and insists on giving it to David for free.   “But King David said to Ornan, “No, I will certainly pay the full price; for I will not take what is yours for the Lord, nor offer a burnt offering which costs me nothing.” AMP

As you read, you will see the connection.  Be blessed.  Nicky

What is the price of your praise?

³⁷ When a certain immoral woman from that city heard he was eating there, she brought a beautiful alabaster jar filled with expensive perfume. ³⁸ Then she knelt behind him at his feet, weeping. Her tears fell on his feet, and she wiped them off with her hair. Then she kept kissing his feet and putting perfume on them. ³⁹ When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know what kind of woman is touching him. She’s a sinner!”  ⁴⁰ Then Jesus answered his thoughts. “Simon,” he said to the Pharisee, “I have something to say to you.”  “Go ahead, Teacher,” Simon replied.  ⁴¹ Then Jesus told him this story: “A man loaned money to two people—500 pieces of silver to one and 50 pieces to the other. ⁴² But neither of them could repay him, so he kindly forgave them both, cancelling their debts. Who do you suppose loved him more after that?”  ⁴³ Simon answered, “I suppose the one for whom he cancelled the larger debt.”  “That’s right,” Jesus said. ⁴⁴ Then he turned to the woman and said to Simon, “Look at this woman kneeling here. When I entered your home, you didn’t offer me water to wash the dust from my feet, but she has washed them with her tears and wiped them with her hair. ⁴⁵ You didn’t greet me with a kiss, but from the time I first came in, she has not stopped kissing my feet. ⁴⁶ You neglected the courtesy of olive oil to anoint my head, but she has anointed my feet with rare perfume.  ⁴⁷ “I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.”                                              Luke 7:37-47 NLT

The word sinner (Greek) is Ham-ar-to-los, meaning: Devoted to sin, in other words, someone that was not free from sin.

The woman in these verses had an alabaster box of ointment.  Alabaster is a type of stone, used to make a vessel to store up oil or perfume.  The word perfume here refers to myrrh oil.  Myrrh means bitter.

While I read these verses and meditated on it, as few ideas came to mind.  I realized that we don’t use alabaster boxes to store up oil or perfume anymore and I was thinking how awesome it would have been to have the opportunity (in the physical) to wash our Savior, Jesus Christ’s feet and anoint it with oil. Although physically it is not possible, through Jesus overcoming the grave, it is possible spiritually.

I thought about our hearts being hardened like an alabaster box, how it becomes stone as we take all the “bitter” of life and store it up. We build these walls around our hearts to keep us from feeling pain, but instead of escaping, we take the “bitter oil” of life, hoard it and seal the pain in.

The oil, which the woman we read about in Luke 7, stored up, was a costly oil.  It cost her years of saving before she had a whole alabaster box full of “bitter” oil.

Let me share an interesting fact about myrrh oil.  It comes from a tree, but it is not harvested in the form of oil. The harvesters make incisions into the tree and the tree heals the “wound” by pushing a glue-like substance out of the wound like tears.  This glue is then cut from the tree and stored in a dry place until the glue becomes rock hard.  It is then ground and made into an oil. This process takes time, from the first incision to the end product…oil.  It is a costly process.

Let’s relate that to our own journeys.  What incisions have been made on your life that has produced a “bitter oil”?  How much “bitter” have you accumulated through the years? What “bitter” is stored up in your heart, that needs to be poured out?

When will you walk through the crowd? When will you break open your alabaster heart and pour out everything that has been stored up at the feet of Jesus?

This woman pushed her way through to Jesus, and then she sat down at HIS feet and she started to weep…

The word weep is klah-yo (Greek) meaning she was mourning, weeping, sobbing, weeping aloud, lamenting.

The wailing was part of her praise. It was not pretty…have you seen and heard a person wail before? Aloud, without being ashamed? The pain is audible in their cries and their bodies exhibit the pain.  It looks like something is being ripped from their body, a physical pain. It will affect you… you could be feeling compassion, the way Jesus felt, or judgement, the way the men did towards her, but it will not leave you indifferent.

The point I want to make is that we should never judge a person’s praise and worship experience, because we don’t understand the cost of their praise.

Take time to imagine, to picture this…

Imagine the cost for that sinful woman, to accumulate that amount of oil and then to walk past the glazes, the whispers… to fall to her knees, sobbing uncontrollably, soaking Jesus’ feet with her tears. Imagine the dirt on His feet from all the walking, imagine how many tears were necessary to “wash” Jesus’ feet.

Can you imagine the pain and shame she was pouring out on HIS feet at that very moment, knowing that everyone was looking at her? Knowing they are judging her…?

Still she continued and did not care about what they were thinking or whispering to each other.  Then following it up by drying His feet with her hair. Her hair? The Word of God tells us that the hair of woman is her glory (one translation says it is “her pride and joy”), because it is given to us as a covering. (1 Corinthians 11:15 but if a woman has long hair, it is a glory to her? For her hair is given to her for a covering.)

So she used her covering, her pride and joy, to dry the feet of Jesus. Would you use something that is your pride and joy to dry feet? I don’t have long hair, but I imagine using something that is very dear to me, like my tallit (prayer shawl). I cannot begin to think that I would use that to dry someone’s feet.

Then she took the oil, the very costly oil…everything she had, and she poured it over Jesus’ feet, not just rubbing a little bit on Him, but pouring out all of it. She broke the alabaster box and she poured out all the “bitter oil” onto His feet.

As she poured it out, the whole house started to smell good. (Mary then took a pound of very costly perfume of pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped His feet with her hair; and the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. John 12:3) She released the fragrance that was held captive inside the jar.

Spiritually we can pour our costly oil over the feet of Jesus.  Every pain and bitter situation that was accumulated in our hearts we can pour out on Jesus’ feet as an offering.

What is the cost of your oil?  How much pain and suffering did you go through to accumulate the “bitter” in your heart?  What is the cost of your praise?  What would it cost you to come and break it open before the King of kings, to pour out every ounce of “bitter” in your heart to HIM and allow it to become a worthy fragrance?

What “bitter” has been stored up and needs to be released? What is the cost of YOUR praise? Isn’t it time to release the “bitter oil” from the hardened heart and allow it to become a sweet smelling aroma of freedom and revelation?

Let go.  Praise as if it has cost you everything…Jesus wants to set you free from sin. He is waiting to say to you “your sins are forgiven”.

Here’s a link to a song that really inspired me.  Enjoy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4UxNj8KTP0

A personal testimony – the story of pain, despair, anger and a Hero to the rescue

“He Knows”

All the bitter weary ways
Endless striving day by day
You barely have the strength to pray
In the valley low

And how hard your fight has been
How deep the pain within
Wounds that no one else has seen
Hurts too much to show

All the doubt you’re standing in between
And all the weight that brings you to your knees

He knows, He knows
Every hurt and every sting
He has walked the suffering
He knows, He knows
Let your burdens come undone
Lift your eyes up to the one
Who knows
He knows, He knows

We may faint and we may sink
Feel the pain and near the brink
But the dark begins to shrink
When you find the one who knows
The chains of doubt that held you in between
one by one are starting to break free

Every time you feel forsaken
Every time that you feel alone
He is near to the broken-hearted
Every tear
He knows, He knows

There are some stories that are ready to be told in its entirety…this isn’t one of them.  This isn’t a pretty story or a witty story, but it’s a true story and it belongs to more than one of us, if we care to admit it.  I give this disclaimer, begging your forgiveness and patience as I speak in code at times, but one day, when the time is right, it will be told.

January 2016, as most people’s spoken New Year’s resolutions were still hanging heavy in the air, my world fell apart.  In one fell swoop, everything that I believed to be true about a huge part of my life, was revealed as being one big lie.  Excruciating emotional pain became a very close friend…some days so close that it squeezed the air from my lungs.  I learned that when overwhelming pain is this close, God seems very, very far away.

I stopped eating, with prescription medication I could not sleep for more than 4 or 5 broken hours every night and I suffered panic attacks. I was now one of a rapidly expanding club (in the body of Christ) – clinically depressed. Eventually a counsellor confirmed that I was suffering from PTSD and that set in motion the discovery of the Complex PTSD I lived with since childhood – a direct result of trauma suffered in my formative years.  Like someone with one short leg, I learned to compensate, limping along all my life, oblivious of how many deep wounds I learned to live with.

So here I am, spiritually mature, an ordained pastor, ministry founder, the one “everyone” calls when they need prayer or they have a problem to discuss and all I can manage (the few times that I managed to pray) was “Help me!!”  or sadly “Why won’t You help me?!”.  I used to be the one people would go to for answers, for wisdom, for encouragement and now I was running on empty.  What a humbling experience…one I wouldn’t like to repeat anytime soon, if ever.

It’s in times like these where we begin to sound like Job (yes, I read Job, trying to encourage myself that it could have been worse), ranting and venting and weeping in our despair, looking for some relief from the agony within, only to find yourself clamming up and becoming silent, morose and wallowing in self-pity, or maybe that’s just me.  I felt like I had become invisible to the Father.  I could not see Him, feel Him or hear Him.  I struggled to pray and my brain became Swiss cheese, so reading the Word became an impossible task.  I gave up.  I was caught in a rip and struggling to fight my way out of it was going to get me drowned, so I gave up fighting it and I allowed myself to be swept out to sea.

Before the bomb dropped on my head, I was planning my birthday present…I was going to order prophetic worship flags from a ministry in America.  I wanted to give up on that plan, after all, I didn’t think I would ever be able to raise a flag in worship ever again (I was wallowing, I know) but my husband insisted I go ahead.  It took months to arrive.

I missed Sunday morning services, stopped taking most calls, stopped blogging (you noticed, haven’t you), stopped responding to messages on social media and eventually didn’t bother getting out of bed, just having a quick shower before my husband was due home from work, trying to hide how bad things had gotten.  He knew and he was fighting a spiritual battle against depression and the spirit of suicide on my behalf.   I felt like my life and the ministry was over and I acted like it too.

(When we tell our stories, we tend to minimize or spiritualize the battle, but I am sharing the gory details for a reason.  Unless you know how deep I sank into the dark pit of despair, what I am going to tell you next won’t seem as profound, so thanks for bearing with me.)

Then it arrived – my flags – and with it, an A4 sheet of paper, informing me of the prophetic meaning of my flags, the colors used and the oil it was anointed with. You have to bear in mind, these were produced in America and the only information I shared was my name and address.

It read:  “The name of your flags is Bursting Forth With Joy.  The colors of your flags are white, representing joy, chartreuse green representing hope, turquoise (my FAVORITE color) representing life-giving flow of the Holy Spirit and royal blue, representing the Truth of God’s Word.

The verses that go with these flags are Malachi 4:2, But for you who revere My name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings.  And you will go out and leap like calves released from the stall.

Romans 7:22 TPT Now may God, the inspiration and foundation of hope, fill you to overflowing with uncontainable joy and perfect peace as you trust in Him.”

That wasn’t all.  It came with the following instruction:  “Choose joy.  Choose it over self-pity.  Choose it over depression and sadness.  Refuse melancholy.  Step into the fullness of Father God’s joy.  It is your strength.  A gift from Him.  Walk in it.”

Finally, I read “It’s been prayed over and anointed with an oil called Everlasting Joy, which is used as a reminder your joy is not dependent on your circumstances, it is a gift from God”.  That was me told!  I checked, there’s a verse associated with the oil too – Isaiah 61:7.  Instead of shame and dishonor, you will enjoy a double share of honor.
You will possess a double portion of prosperity in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours.  (NLT)   Incidentally, the only book managed to read throughout the preceding months was Isaiah 61!

I realized that He knew…all along, He saw me, He heard me and He knew.  When I was ready to hear, He spoke and what He says is true.  You see, sometimes people sin against you, you don’t get to choose the consequence – they chose on your behalf.  You don’t always sign up for the trails, the test and the tribulation that come your way, you just get caught up in a rip and you get pulled along.  You do, however get to choose your response to it.  You get to choose whether you will allow the enemy to have his way or whether you will trust the Father to do what only He can do.

Just last night, I read Psalm 50 in the Passion Translation.  Verse 1 reads:  “The God of gods, the might Lord himself, has spoken!  He shouts out over all the people of the earth, in every brilliant sunrise and every beautiful sunset, saying, “Listen to Me!” and verse 15:  Honour Me by trusting in Me in your day of trouble.  Cry aloud to me, and I will be there to rescue you.  That is what I desire from you!

I want to leave you with these two thoughts:

He knows and He cares, He sees and He is able to restore to you everything that seems lost forever.

You choose.  You decide and by His spirit, He will give you the grace to act on your decision, should you choose right. Storms will come, but you choose whether you sit out in the rain or whether you run into the safety and shelter of His everlasting arms.

Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live!                                                         Deut. 30:19 NLT

I was not going to share this as a blog, but after reading Nicky’s blog for May, I felt the unction of the Holy Spirit to share this. Thank you Nicky for the opportunity to share the platform with you on Ignite Ministries. My prayer is that those who read this would come to know who they really are in Christ, and that it will create a hunger in you to come to know what the truth is about you, according to the scriptures.

As the world celebrated Mother’s Day, I paused and thought of the people who experience this day as a reminder of pain and heartache …actually let me rephrase that, many people feel pain and heartache on this day. The reasons may vary, but for the pain – that is real. For some Mother’s Day is a reminder of a mum that has rejected them or even physically harmed them. Mother’s Day becomes a reminder of feeling unloved. Others carry the hurt of a mother that has died too soon or a mum in a distant country or city, unable to share the day. There are the mums who feel left out because they are all alone on this day… a child might have passed away or that distance between them is too great to make it possible to share the day. For yet another few, Mother’s Day reminds or condemns them as a mum who failed.  And then there are those who are carrying the hurt and pain of being barren.

As I reflected on these painful reasons for not wanting to celebrate Mother’s Day, I found myself in two of these categories. I felt the pain of a mother that lives in another country, thousands of kilometers from me. All I shared with her on Mother’s Day was a few minutes of telephone conversation. The second category is actually hard to share. I measure myself against how other mums are being treated on Mother’s Day and I feel somewhat left out and convinced that I failed as a mother…and for me my failure is that my children is not fully committed to Jesus yet, even though my prayers still rise for them continuously. I am now being really transparent here, but I know that I am certainly not the only one that feels this way.

The world has created this idea of what a good mum looks like and we tend to try and fill that mold as best we can.

We are forever carrying around labels or titles…yet the titles the world has given you don’t reflect who you are. The world looks at your title or label and that is who you become to the world and we then live accordingly.

When I ask you the question, “WHO ARE YOU?”  what would your answer be?

Are you defined by your job?  I am a Typist, or I am a Teacher, I am an Accountant, I am… (fill in the blank). I hope not. I hope that you are not defined by your job title, because you are way more valuable than a title.

 Are you defined by you marital status?  I am married, I am divorced or I am single…again I hope not, for this is not who you really are.

Are you defined by whether you are a mother or not? Sometimes you can be defined by whether you are a mother or not. Even though I hope this is not entirely what you relate to. If you dissect this further, you might feel like a failure as a mum because your child has chosen the wrong path in life and ended up abusing drugs or even ended up in jail, and now you are carrying the burden or condemnation of being a bad mother. Then there are the women who forever feel like a failure for not being able to conceive a child.

But the good news is that Father God does not define as according to our jobs, our marital status or even whether we are mothers or not. The Word of God defines us as the following: the temple of the living God.   God has said:

“I will live with them.  I will walk among them.
I will be their God.  And they will be my people.” So,  “Come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord.  Do not touch anything that is not pure and ‘clean.’  Then I will receive you.” And, “I will be your Father.
You will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord who rules over all.”               (2 Corinthians 6:16-18)

Now if we are children, then we are heirs – heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.  (Romans 8:17)

if we endure, we will also reign with him. (2 Timothy 2:12)

Wow, God’s Word defines us as HIS temple. In other words, HE lives inside of us.  God has dwelt in the temple to be close to man and now HE has made us HIS home…Selah. We are also called sons and daughters of the Most High God.  We are co-heirs and we will reign with Jesus, if we can endure the hardships of this world. Selah.

The enemy has used his ability to distract…to distract us from who we are in Jesus Christ.  The ENEMY has used our daily lives to dictate to us who we are to the world…giving us these titles that actually mean nothing. These titles have made us feel worthless or falling short when we are unable to fill or fit the mold that was created by the world, through the rule of the enemy.

It is time that we break out of this mold that was created to box us in and use it as a platform to proclaim who we really are.

If we stand up for who we really are, we may be called arrogant. But we know that it is not arrogance, it is confidence…not confidence in ourselves, but confidence in our FATHER Who created us. We are not meant to wither away, or to fit into the world’s mold, but to stand up and proclaim who and Who’s we are. Don’t be afraid to step out of the mold! With the help of His Word and by the power of the Holy Spirit, Father God will strengthen you with knowledge and a revelation of who you really are.

The enemy wants us to feel worthless, but I want to tell you today, that you are Worthy Women and Men of Bravery. Getting up and stepping out of the mold, for the sake of our KING Jesus, is not easy, but it is so worth it.

The enemy has distracted us in so many ways…he has lied to us and is making us feel guilty when we do stand up and step onto the platform and when we won’t allow the world to define us. The enemy tries to get us to conform but God’s Word clearly says in Romans 12:2 (NIV) Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

The world celebrated Mothers, but I want to take the chance to praise woman.  I want to take a moment and praise God fearing woman, whether you have children or not. Charm and grace are deceptive, and [superficial] beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the Lord [reverently worshiping, obeying, serving, and trusting Him with awe-filled respect], she shall be praised.  (Proverbs 31:30)

Being a mum is a very important, so don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that being a mom is nothing, or that it is unimportant.  No, what I am saying is that being a mum should never define who you really are.  The struggles of being a mum should not overshadow the importance of who you are first and foremost…YOU ARE A DAUGHTER OF THE MOST HIGH GOD. Don’t let the world dictate to you who you are. Listen to who God says you are…

Even though I mainly focused on women this month, men can also drown in the day to day tasks and become who the world tells them to be; main provider for finances, the dad, the handyman and the husband.  Today, I want to remind you that you are more than that, YOU ARE A SON OF THE MOST HIGH GOD.  Keep your focus on HIM and you will find strength, courage and joy to accomplish your day to day tasks.

Shalom

Amanda

My older son and his new wife of six months arrived in Perth, just in time to celebrate Mother’s Day with me.  For the first time in five years I had both my sons with me, with two beautiful girls to boot.  You would think that I was over the moon at the prospect, but sadly, as the product of a broken home, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day have always been days I dread.  For years I would avoid church, as the celebrations would be too much to bear.  I discouraged my family from going to trouble to celebrate me and I would try as best I could to have “just another day”.  In later years, with social media becoming the way to communicate, I would try to be offline as much as possible.  Again, the photos of happy families enjoying each other’s company would be the source of great pain, reminding me of what was not.

Driving home from a lovely afternoon spent with the girls at a mother-and-daughter high tea in honor of Mother’s Day, the topic came up and the newest member of the family offered a bit of wisdom…”Nicky, instead of thinking of what you didn’t have, why not focus on what you do have? We’re here and tomorrow we will celebrate you.” Duh!  It seems so simple, and it is.  Shift your focus. Change your perspective.

Meditating on this, two portions of scripture came to mind.  I was reminded of the story of the Israelites crossing the Jordan, in Joshua 3.  God does this incredible miracle, piling up the flooding river Jordan, allowing a nation to pass through on dry ground.

The book of Joshua, chapter 4 continues with a directive from the Lord: When the whole nation had finished crossing the Jordan, the Lord said to Joshua, “Choose twelve men from among the people, one from each tribe, and tell them to take up twelve stones from the middle of the Jordan, from right where the priests are standing, and carry them over with you and put them down at the place where you stay tonight.” (v1-3, NIV)

Joshua gives the command and goes on to explain…to serve as a sign among you.  In the future, when your children ask you, ‘What do these stones mean?’ tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the Lord.  When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off.  These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever.” (v6-7, NIV)

I want to juxtapose a story from Mark 5 (v1-5) with Joshua 4. They arrived on the other side of the sea in the country of the Gerasenes.  As Jesus got out of the boat, a madman from the cemetery came up to him.  He lived among the tombs and graves.  No one could restrain him – he couldn’t be chained, couldn’t be tied down.  He had been tied up many times with chains and ropes, but he broke the chains, snapped the ropes.  No one was strong enough to tame him.  Night and day he roamed through the graves and the hills, screaming out and slashing himself with sharp stones. (MSG)

These two stories seems unrelated, but bear with me for a moment.  Being honest, we have to admit that we resemble the madman in many regards…I am sure I am not the only one.  We make a home among the tombs and the graves, our minds wonder to the dead, dying and decaying parts of our lives, and no matter how we try, we cannot seem to reign our thoughts in.  No chain or rope can harness the meditations that keep us up during the night, tormenting our souls and draining our bodies.

How often do we slash at our own souls, as with sharp stones?  We live with regret, we bash ourselves and we weigh and measure, always to come up short.  We nurse wounds and we set up headstones in every wounded place, where we go to rehearse the past, where we mourn and weep and gnash our teeth.  True story!

Carry on reading Mark 5 and we see that it turns out well for the poor mad man from Gerasenes…not so much for the herd of pigs.  Jesus turns up and does what He was sent to do.  He sets the captive free.  He restores the man, He heals him and the man is found “clothed and making sense, no longer a walking madhouse of a man”. (V15, MSG)

Now I want to tie the two portions of scripture together for you.  In verse 18-20 we read how the madman’s story ends.  As Jesus was getting into the boat, the demon-delivered man begged to go along, but he wouldn’t let him.  Jesus said: “Go home to your own people.  Tell them your story-what the Master did, how he had mercy on you.”  The man went back and began to preach in the Ten Towns area about what Jesus had done for him.  He was the talk of the town.

The man did as Jesus commanded – he went home and started to build another memorial…not with stones from the river as the Israelites did…but with his words.  He told his story, just as the memorial stones told a story.  This is what we are called to do.  We are to come to Jesus and we are to look to Him to heal us and set us free.  Then we tell our stories of what He did, of how the Lord had mercy on us, instead of begging Jesus to take us away with Him.

So I will tell you the story of my Mother’s Day.  With an open heart I accepted the love and kindness from my husband and my children, I ate the cake made especially for me, without counting the calories or fretting about the sugar content.  I had the second piece of my favorite chocolate, snuck in by my husband, while playing cards with my loud sons, remembering them as boys.  I received the gift of being served by my family, watching my tribe prepare lunch for me.  I just received.  Instead of missing those who were not present, I enjoyed the ones who were.  I saw how my sons loved on their wives and recognized that we did well, raising them.

I had many proud “mumma bear” moments throughout the day, but none such as the overwhelming gratitude of what the Lord had done, when I stood in church, the presence of the Holy Spirit tangible and near, my husband by my side and both my sons, with their wives, worshiping God together.  I felt Jesus’s healing touch on my very wounded heart, I received forgiveness and the grace to also forgive.  I recognized that my end will be better than my beginning and that the Lord had indeed shown mercy to me – in more ways that I can count.  I have an inheritance in my children, so I am humbled and I give thanks.

O give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; for His mercy endures forever.                                                                        Psalm 107:1